happie days..

haircut..

2009-03-30T22:31:00.002+08:00

alrightie.. this is a rather stupid post.. it is complaining abt something that cannot be undone by me.. can only be undone by time.. hopefully.. time pass slower and my hair grow much much much much much faster.. yes.. i never intend my hair to be cut soooo short.. i was in shock when i see that it was cut soooooo short.. im speechless.. it supposed to be very cool looking.. oh well.. it does look cool.. but i don't intend to look cool this time.. and the moment i saw it.. i know.. sure die liao.. go home dont know how to face mother.. cause for sure.. 100% gurantee plus chop.. surely get scolded one.. firstly.. the haircut is totally not feminine and she 100% against me being tomboy-ish.. but.. I'm not going that direction at all.. it was totally not me anymore!!! i grown out of it liao.. i even try to do less unglam things liao.. try to wear more skirt.. dress up, diligently put on all my mosituriser.. but.. sigh.. just a bad bad haircut.. especially my left side.. total disaster.. okie.. if not for that side.. i wont have been so upset over my haircut myself.. yes.. im upset.. i think i look like a boy again.. sigh.. okie.. for people who havent see me.. well.. get ready for the worse.. then maybe it won't be that bad.. i mean.. i just wish it havent went soooo short.. the worst part is i must learn to live with it for at least a mth or so.. i cant imagine the moment i step back next week.. the amt of explanation i had to make and the amt of exclamation i will be hearing.. sigh... seriously.. i think of several method to recover it.. one is.. buy a wig.. next is hair extension, lastly.. just cut it short both side so that i wont look so off balance.. well.. in case any person see this post and wanna buy me some birthday present and cant think of any.. perhaps can buy me some hair product that can help to increase the speed of hair growth.. sigh..

what a day..

2009-03-19T23:08:00.002+08:00

Today.. didnt feel very happy. just hate my time being wasted by others.. and undecisive decisions which were being made.. ever changing decisions disrupt one's planning of their way of life, their way of doing things. and really.. today i realise how important the role of a leader is.. when a leader makes decision without much thinking and consideration, life becomes real bad for the followers.. and somehow.. it makes my whole day a bad bad mood day plus headache.. argh.. plus unfinished studying for next week exam.. sianz.. just in a bad bad mood.. hopefully after sleeping, tmr wake up will be to a bright new day..

Going to USA!!

2009-02-17T22:25:00.002+08:00

Yes.. I confirm going to US this upcoming may liao!! From 13th may till 27th may.. Will be back in time for my marathon once again.. same situation as last year.. so i guess there's no hope of running under 6 hours this year.. but this year got more friends running this marathon.. perhaps the motivation will pull me faster :D

yes US.. the trip is confirmed liao.. :D perhaps it is a good ting that im not buying car bah.. got more money on hand.. so can do things more freely.. hopefully i can go learn diving soon also.. and not forgetting putting on my braces.. yes.. im tempted once again.. i know i look ok with my teeth now.. but i just wanna look a little better.. hahaha..

today had been a great day!! really.. had been quite happy somehow.. hee.. :D

alright.. going to sleep liao.. think tmr going to try to wake up to do my jogging again.. gonna train hard for the marathon.. so that can make up for the two weeks of travelling..

oh.. bintan trip is confirmed liao.. yippeee.. gonna have a relaxing week with all of them.. :D

wedding dinner..

2009-02-14T22:37:00.002+08:00

am at wedding dinner.. Wow.. Bride is so pretty.. Both look so loving together.. Hmmm.. Well.. Makes me wanna say.. I want to get marry too! Haha.. Really.. But.. Don't wanna be so major event.. Haha.. Cause waste money.. But.. Before can win toto.. Must buy toto first.. Haha.. So how leh.. Hmmm.. Maybe just have to continue to wait for my mr right bah.. Well.. Back to eating more food!

A few good things..

2009-02-13T22:51:00.002+08:00

I ran below 12 mins for 2.4km! Finally. :D I may be able to run even better the next time. For the record i ran 11mins 58 secs! Aiming for below 11:45 next time :D

Clear things up so it feels much better!! Being frank is perhaps the key!

Next week no need book in!! Going outram there for course!!! So means got GOOD FOOD!!!

2 weeks later going Bintam or is it Batam?? But whichever place.. can stay in a huge bungalow with swimming pool!! Ruoling.. this is still on one rite?? hee :D

Since not booking in.. I can follow more closely to my TRAINING for MARATHON!!! wohoo.. so exciting..

Last good thing that i can recall for now.. My weight is still being maintained. Heng ah!! hee :D

buying car..

2009-02-07T14:22:00.002+08:00

well.. the coe prices had been dropping non stop and i am now very gian to buy a car.. well.. initially i din't really think of buying one cause i know for sure i wont have the money to pay totally.. however, this morning my mum ask me whether im going to buy a car and she can give me a loan if it is not too much.. and this somehow started my gian-ness to buy.. yes.. so i look thru the diff websites.. as usual i will wish to buy a subaru wrx.. but too bad.. too ex.. so i look at the lowest range of subaru.. they got this subaru r1.. super uber cute little car and very pretty!!! it cost around 40k.. with coe, road tax, gst. really like it a lot.. but then.. i cant really decide whether i want to buy anot.. cause.. buying car will mean that i can't spend much money also.. furthermore i just started work.. and by buying a car.. most of my saving will be gone.. which means i will have no money to go to US, no money to buy house!! hahaha.. but the primary reason to buy car is that when i pop.. i need a car to go to work i think.. cause my mum discourage me to work near my house.. she suggests i should go further.. so most likely i will choose places like outram or tanglin or bedok lor.. which means i will need a car eventually.. unless i can find a bf there at my workplace to ferry me ard!! wahahha.. which is hard i think.. given my character and the way i behave.. good guys just dont fall down from the sky right in front of me.. :S ahahah.. well.. the reason why i can't decide on subaru r1 for sure is because it only has two doors and if im going to drive my parents ard.. they are sure going to complain like mad.. but i really like the idea of two doors cause it makes it cuter and since im getting a small car.. the two doors concept will make it look less small and more special.. a bit hard to understand i know.. but i really like the car.. especially when it is red.. the interior is also red.. it is like wow.. a totally lady's car and something like my own personal space like that.. then i can always load up the boot with my blades, running shoes, running attire, and in the future my golf set.. hmm.. speaking of which.. i wonder if the boot can contain a golf set.. >.< oh ya.. and this car is very fuel efficient.. it is like 4.6l/100km.. so i was thinking saving on the fuel.. it wont be tat costly for me.. well.. i wish i can get the car soon.. but it may jsut all be a dream afterall.. hmmm.. i wish i can win toto.. then no need to think liao.. straight away go and buy.. but then.. i dint even buy toto in the first place.. how to win leh.. :S

Back from Nepal

2009-01-28T10:38:00.002+08:00

Was reading my friends' blog and realise my life as compared to theirs seems to be going at a much slower pace especially the trip to nepal. it's unlike business trip as the working pple but rather i'll say my trip is more of leisure not because it is easy, no, it is the direct opposite of easy but rather because of being so close to nature. i'm glad where i am. thou the path is not ever smooth going. cause most of the times i can't get what i ask for :P the trip has given me more confidence than before. i'm no longer that afraid of presentation cause this trip somehow almost every single presentation, i will get involve, including debate!!! oh gosh.. can imagine how chaotic i can become, firstly is my command of english, wrong pronounciation, damnit.. secondly, my speed of speaking, well, it gotten slower but somehow still too fast.. and lastly, i always run out of things to say.. hee :P but well, it's a good experience afterall..

coming back to sg, don't know what training lies ahead for me, but shall be alright i guess. oh.. not forgetting, getting ready for my sundown marathon, less than 18 weeks to it liao.. so gonna start training for it.. hopefully my knee problem will get lesser.. and hopefully i can get a running kaki who will not fly me areoplane..

Falling down and up..

2008-12-28T10:20:00.002+08:00

mum says.. i should talk more to my bro.. cause recently he looks down.. perhaps is because he had fell down again.. in my heart.. i was thinking.. perhaps the one who had fallen the hardest is the one who appear to be most okay bah..

appearance, outloook.. is what we make ourselves to appear to be like to others.. deep down.. no one will know.. unless that someone wanna let it be known.. sometimes.. i don't even understand myself.. or rather.. it's hard to go so deep down inside.. unless i really have the time to sit down and do some soul searching..

i wish i reach a zen state.. but somehow it's hard to reach that state yet.. so many things still affect me a lot.. i can't stop myself from thinking.. it's beyond my control.. the "what ifs", the "maybes", the "never will happens", the "dumb tots that i know will never come true", the "wishes".. sometimes.. it really hurts real bad to think.. but as what my instructor says.. think till it hurts.. and somehow.. my haed was hurting soooooooo bad yesterday that i really wish that someone will knock me unconsicous cause the pain is really bad.. but well.. it's not really fr thinking.. it's from my block nose... :P

feel like doing something to my hair today.. like rebonding it or cutting it.. cause feel like being a bit different.. cause i need to rethink.. and of cos.. cny is coming.. hahaha.. perhaps.. i'm just trying to find a reason bah..

i'm going to fly off soon.. lets hope the trip will retune me once again..

Merry Christmas!!!

2008-12-25T09:31:00.002+08:00

It's Christmas!

Yesterday evening time, then book out. After the long run. I seems to be unable to do long run. Sigh. I can't run in the squad, or perhaps it's just a mental thing. I wish I'm stronger and more optimistic so that I can match up. Recently, I became a little too pessimistic that it is giving me problem. Trying to solve it myself but it just don't happen this way. Wonder if it is the hormones that are trying to be funny with me, or the endless cough, or stress or perhaps.. it is just simply myself and my mindset..

Retuning..

Trying to retune myself back to myself.. i'm an optimistic person.. really.. deep down.. it still is.. i love to smile.. i love to laugh.. i love to giggle..

Going to spend the next few hours.. finding back myself.. before returing back to training.. perhaps.. today is a good day.. to ask myself what i want.. and understand better what He has arranged for me.. :D

a long... week...

2008-12-19T23:11:00.002+08:00

it's one of my longest week ever.. i'm not complaining cause it's boring week.. in fact.. it is the direct opposite of boring.. it's the most enriching week.. but then.. it's the most tiring week to date..

till date.. it's 2 pt session/day for the past 5 days.. i won't say i lose any weight cause i ate back everything.. but.. my muscles are all screaming at me..

alrightie.. i shall complain more when i see rl and the rest tmr!! ahahha.. tmr is the gathering.. so happieeeee.. good food ahead!!! yeah!!! book-out tmr!!! yeah!!! i had never looked so much forward to book-out.. hahahah.. :D

lalala

2008-12-17T22:11:00.002+08:00

another day of lessons and pt.. today is day 6.. had been not too bad.. though i must say it is really very tiring.. but.. by the end of the day.. i will definitely be stronger.. mentally especially.. presentation improves a little.. though laughing/giggling fits do come in once awhile but improvement is made..

tiredness is overcoming me for now.. gonna go and sleep.. few more days ahead and will be book out!! yippee!!! xmas party coming up soon...

hmmm..

2008-12-11T22:22:00.002+08:00

one of my biggest weakness makes its appearance once again. knew about this weakness of mine since sec sch days. had a hard time coping with it and sadly, i had not corrected it. yet. my weakness of giggling or laughing during presentations. i don't know what's wrong with me. in fact, i don't understand it at all. I mean i should be so nervous until i'll blank out. but why is it that i will laugh??!!! i hate it a lot. really. perhaps laughing is a way of getting me less nervous. i felt so bad after the whole presentation. in fact, i think i did the worst. but well.. i still think i can improve and do a much better job. but just that for now.. i need to pick up my confidence again. my mum always says i'm not serious or act in a mature manner and I'm always very defendant of myself. perhaps she's right after all.

i don't want to giggle or laugh during my presentation. i don't want to be not able to look at pple smiling at me (cause i will definitely laugh if i do so). i'm still thinking hard on what to do. demoralise now.. a little.. but will be alright soon..

well.. it's just the first day.. don't think too much i guess.. but well.. it's not easy to lead huh..

it's starting...

2008-12-05T20:56:00.002+08:00

training for leadership is starting.. Gonna be an exciting 6 weeks or so ahead.. I do look forward to it a lot a lot but i'm a little afraid that i'll give up at times but i guess with all the encouragement from friends within and without, i shall be able to pull through and enjoy the whole training to the fullest. It's gonna be 6 weeks with the same group of people day in day out. Yes.. Everyday definitely see the same group of people for 6 weeks! Haha.. Gonna have a positive attitude towards it and treat it like orientation.. With full blast of energy and enthusiasm..
Oh ya.. Gonna meet a lot of my hallmates tmr! Should be fun.. But not going to have much time to spend with them cause busy with studying.. This time gonna study late into the night.. Hopefully.. Haha.. Old liao.. Don't know if got the energy to burn midnight oil.. Okay bah.. Back to studying liao.. Will be back here whining soon..

Busy-wisy..

2008-12-03T00:13:00.003+08:00

Had been rather busy.. but still have time to blog.. hahah.. well.. it supposed to be the sleeping time for now.. just feel a little happy abt what i had been doing late into the night for yesterday and tonight.. for all the help given by my friend.. it had made it so much more easier and learning the correct things to be done.. really helpful for my future..

oh ya.. other than this small little thingy.. had been feeling rather happy for the past two days too.. hahhaa.. just happy.. smiley..

but of cos.. there are down times too.. well.. not really down lah.. jsut that perhaps it is time for me to eat lesser.. and start running more.. feel my running has became slower.. and i'm getting more lazy and unwilling to push myself more.. think it is time to push my mental strength again.. had been in my comfort zone for a little too long..

next few days will be back to studying studying and endless studying.. well.. i guess it's gonna be interesting and fun!! hahahaa..

well.. on a side note.. just visited facebook.. as we all know there is a column for friends you may know.. finally.. after so long.. wc has finally appeared in that column for me!!! can't really describe how i felt when i saw his photo.. i'll say.. it's a feeling that i have never felt before for anyone.. ahhaha.. i guess that's normal.. unless i start to have a collection of ex-bf.. lalaala.. im getting dotz dotz dotz.. time to sleep.. will try my best not to think what is the feeling that i'm exactly feeling.. hhahaha.. :D

kayaking..

2008-11-29T10:50:00.003+08:00

had a round ubin island kayaking yesterday.. really superb tiring.. once i reached home... i slept like a pig..

recently had been feeling down.. well.. not down all the times thou.. got loads of laughter too at times i must say.. cause always got loads of jokes that were being cracked around.. and yup.. most of which are lame.. and somehow.. it sparked my lame-ness too.. yes.. when i become lame.. im at the most extreme end.. i can be so lame that u will feel like strangling me.. hee..

however.. haven't gotten out of my moodiness yet.. it just comes to me once in a while.. i try to tell myself it must be pms.. but it's not healthy afterall.. to be in the down side.. i think.. perhaps.. it is time for me to go and have a visit to the seaside.. to let the sea breeze blow away my unhappiness and feel the peace there bah.. i love to sit by the seaside a lot.. all by myself.. cause i get to stare out into the open sea and think to myself.. of things that i could have done.. i should have or have not done.. things that i can improve on.. and perhaps.. why i should be happy and satisfy with what i have.. that is to count my blessing.. even though there are stages in life that i will feel upset and feel that nothing is right.. but i know for sure.. as long as i gotten past that stage.. i'll learn new things and become stronger.. i know i can get super upset at times.. but i know.. i will get past it eventually..

okie.. im not making sense liao.. better stop my nagging and complaining..

i'm glad with what i have.. just that.. i'm greedy and asking for more.. and perhaps.. that's what is making me upset.. but somehow.. don't i deserve to have more... hahaha.. okie.. going out soon..

*christmas is coming soon.. so is chinese new year... *

Down..

2008-11-25T23:09:00.002+08:00

Feeling down now.. In fact very down.. It had been so long since i teared while typing my blog entry.. I wonder if it is the exam stress that is making me feel more down than necessary.. But seriously I don't think so.. I know I will definitely pass..

As to why I'm feeling down.. Can't really put it to words.. All is just in my tots.. the world is never fair.. though i know for sure it is definitely fairer to me than to a lot of others.. i can't ask for more good stuffs to happen to me.. cause i lead a life that is rather happy.. just that what i want and wish for.. is something that i can never achieve as far as i can see for now.. i don't demand and i can't demand.. all i can do is patiently wait.. and i'm always lost for what i want.. cause what i think i should want should not just be benefiting myself..

i got a feeling that this mood of mine is gonna follow me through the week.. though tmr night will be going out with pple for some food.. but i doubt it'll brighten me up.. perhaps.. i shall learn to be like people who can focus on their work so much that other things outside work shall not disturb me anymore.. but i guess it's gonna be hard for me.. but.. i'll learn to do it..

*hugging my tweety*.. cause he is the only one who can give me encouragement for now...

Christmas is coming..

2008-11-23T14:58:00.002+08:00

Christmas is coming.. soon.. which means lots of potluck and parties to go for.. guess there will be at least 3 parties to go for and perhaps more gatherings.. last year i think i clock in 4 potluck.. so much within a week that the moment i heard the word "potluck", i was scared... hahaha.. but this year.. I really look forward to all the gathering.. cause it is going to be a blessing if I can attend any of the gatherings given the tight working schedule..

Work-wise.. had been rather okay.. learning and studying interesting topic.. at least i do find it interesting.. seldom will i find things outside maths /science to be interesting.. hee ;P

Did CIP yesterday.. The kids had some fun.. but I guess they could have more fun bah.. From the event, I realised I'm still lacking in the skill of sweet-talking.. hahaha.. well.. if only i can convince the kids in a better way.. perhaps they wouldn't have been so disappointed when the game had come to an end bah..

Haven't been swimming or blading on my own for quite some time liao.. and oh ya.. stan chart is coming.. my 10km run.. hmm.. gonna do more long runs in the evening if possible..

Next week is gonna be busy-wisy.. exam, drill test and kayaking!!! yippee.. i'm going back to NPCC campsite.. I love that place really a lot.. if only, xy is there with me too..

well.. back to studying for exam... :S

...

2008-11-15T21:06:00.002+08:00

Feeling a little sad now.. cause xy is now gone to US liao.. no longer for the next year or so can i find someone anytime to go out immediately for just an hour by just a phone call.. or go swimming.. or supper.. or shopping.. i think i'm going to miss her a lot.. a lot.. didn't even get to spend much time with her before she left..

it's interesting how life is like at times.. now with each of us chasing after our dreams or working our life away.. hmmm.. how i wish we were young once again.. soon.. from now on.. people will be busy with their family life soon.. slowly.. it will be harder and harder for all of us to gather together..

well.. i wanna stop growing up and remain in this period of time for as long as i can.. cause in this way.. i can always meet up with my friends easily.. and i can be with my loved ones.. all of them.. for as long as i wan.. can be loved and love without much worries..

*knock knock* back to reality...

Another long weekend...

2008-11-14T09:31:00.002+08:00

Going back home in another 1-2 hours time..

This weekend.. Don't really have much plans at all.. HIking, jogging, blading and perhaps golf will be on the list bah.. and yup.. xy going off tmr afternoon.. perhaps tmr noon time will go out and get something for her before she fly off.. guess i will only meet her at least half a year later.. the other time during exchange.. we both were on exchange, me in uk and she in china.. we had such good times talking to each other online.. cause we both were home sick.. im gonna miss her a lot... me and her.. although we don't talk to each other everyday or every week or perhaps months.. when we met up or called, it just felt like the olden times.. we are just so relax with each other.. she does the talking.. and im the listener though sometimes i will suddenly day dream.. hee.. hopefully my may trip to us will come true so that finally after so long.. since after jc.. we can start travelling together again.. although i know.. travelling together will sometimes cause friction.. but then.. given our personalities and our friendship.. i guess we both are too happy go lucky to get angry at each other for long..

this week had been a very PT-ish week.. lots of exercises and felt slightly healthier.. though the skirt doesn't feel any looser.. hee ;) oh ya.. i need to decide what to wear for nat's wedding.. hmm.. i wanna dress up nicely.. hee.. cause can take photos with my squad people and... my instructor!!! hahaha.. well.. this week.. i got to talk to him quite a lot!!! cause i was accompanying my roomie back and he accompanied us too.. throughout the journey i was crapping with him.. it just felt like the olden days when we talked.. felt good to have that feeling back.. the sense of familiarity..

alrightie.. going off soon.. :D

Yippee!! a new week ahead..

2008-11-09T09:04:00.003+08:00

last week is a super lousy week.. got quarrel with people, then injure myself then fall sick over the weekend.. and now.. still got the super painful sore throat.. hmm.. but then.. good things are starting also.. at least that's what i choose to believe in.. first up.. ruoling passed me my favourite gummy bears!!! seeing it really makes me happy.. cause it just cheers me up.. not forgetting the danish cookies too.. then.. my parents came back liao.. :D and mum once again bought me tweety bird.. ahhahah... this is the second time that she bought tweety bird for me.. in the past she always nag at me for being so crazy abt tweety bird.. but then.. everytime.. she goes on holiday with dad.. she will try to get something for me.. happy.. my back is more or less better liao.. guess i will start running tmr.. and also golf!!! falling sick is perhaps not as bad as i think bah.. more time to rest and think.. 4 weeks more to local leadership.. loads of things will be happening including 2 papers to seat for.. guess it's time to retune myself back to be on focus.. responsibility, career, and of cos being optimistic.. nothing is gonna break me this time..

i really look forward to leadership training and chinese new year!!! hopefully the next upcoming 2-3 months will shape both my figure and my personality and character to what i truly want and what i truly am...

back to studying!!! :D:D:D

Injured back

2008-11-04T21:26:00.002+08:00

Injured myself today. my back. it's really painful. worse than my knee pain. can't call home to complain. cause parents are not in, and don't really wan them to worry. don't know who to tell or ask for help from. all i can tell others is it's okay, it's a little bit of pain. in fact im scared, really scared. i scare it will be like my knee problem. it's like.. ur dream is just coming true, and somehow so many obstacles are put right in front of you testing out who you are and whether you are made for it. so many things right and wrong, so many things logical and illogical. so many things beyond my control. and so many things that i wanna just say i give up. but i can't afford it or rather i try my best not to allow it. i try to be optimistic, i try to be determined, i try to tell myself it's okay. but still, i have no idea what is it going to come right ahead of me. sometimes along the road, u jus feel so alone, that u have to walk the road urself, i tried before, walking alone for hours, not the marathon of cos. just myself, thinking through so many things, but still can't come to conclusion of any.

my mum always say that im a strong gal and to many, im well.. wont be some gal who is screamy or whinny.. but well.. sometimes because of the strong front that one has to present, it's sometimes hard to put down the pride to be care for by others.. and there will be times that u just wish that whole world will treat u as someone that needs lots of protection and pamper u. it's irony i admit. that's what i'm facing.

sometimes.. i just wish i'm back to the small little girl that i used to be.. cause there will be no burden on one's shoulder, there will lots of unconditional love showered by my mum and dad, and all i need to do.. is to be a good gal and be the smiley child who leads a carefree life.. and because this is what i always want and glad to have.. i guess this is what every child wants and what every parent wants for their kids bah.. a happy family.. the parents and the children..

my back really hurts...

About working...

2008-11-01T15:29:00.002+08:00

During the deepavali holiday, we had a gathering at jk's house. Eating steamboat.. It was great to meet back all these friends once in a while, cause they will do a check on u on how's ur life had been and of cos, they are able to notice the little chances that had happened to your life. sh made a comment.. saying that me and ying both looked older now.. 5 days later, now.. i start to think on what he had said, do an anaylise of my life now.. and decide.. perhaps what he said is in fact, very true.. i muz say one thing.. most of the time.. when sh made an observation.. i can say.. it is quite true at times.. the lifestyle that im having now is very different fr my hall times bah.. during studying time.. it was so much more carefree.. all i need to put effort and concern in is simply studies.. projects.. that's all.. i would be tired because of projects.. i would be worried because of projects.. i would be angry also because of projects.. my friends around me knew me well.. in fact very well.. they gave me loads of encouragement by accompanying me in E5 despite the fact that she could have done her work in the rm.. it's not that my life now in academy is bad.. well.. the people there are great too.. they gave encouragement too.. but.. well.. i only knew them for 3 months plus.. the friendship built still has a lot to catch up with my hall friends.. and it's no longer just about projects or work.. people relationship comes in.. the need to learn to live with another person in the room sharing ur own personal space.. not that i din't share my rm with my sis.. just that in hall.. i stayed alone in the rm.. not used to sharing rm with someone else bah.. i don't mind regimental lifestyle.. but i don't like being restricted on my time to meet people.. i like to complain 101 things in my blog.. but i seriously don't like people to keep on complaining about things there... but on the other hand.. last week i had been in a complaining mood too.. what right do i have to say others..

i guess.. i need to learn to look for new and happy things to do.. so that i'll return back to what i'm like before working.. i no longer have interest in my instructor liao.. cause he's getting real weird at least that's what i feel.. i mean.. he always seem to have mood swing.. no longer as cheerful as i first knew him to be.. i need people around me to be happy for myself to be in a joyful mood all the time.. then will i able to pass the happiness on.. well.. will try my best bah :D at least this weekend is a relaxing one and it started well yesterday other than a big hipcup.. well.. u can't really say it started well afterall.. but then.. gotta learn to look out on the bright side bah..

when all is down.. something gonna go up.. no one can go down forever bah..

end of the 9 days course and back to norm again

2008-10-24T23:32:00.002+08:00

hmm.. finally.. it is back to normal.. though with additional pple to the squad.. it's good to have them around.. most of them are so enthu abt everything.. from running to golf to tennis.. hahaha.. this is really gonna be good for me cause they are really gonna push me to my limit.. and will have more kakis in the future to find to entertain my hyper-activeness at times.. golf is getting better.. cause the ball is flying more often than before.. but i get my first blister from golf yesterday.. cause i stupidly can't find my gloves and hence dint bring..

this weekend most likely is stay at home and shop at amkhub liao.. cause got quite a number of things to get like shoes, skin products, body gel, etc.. then need to stay at home to do my book review.. really have to do a better job this time.. and of cos my cip.. of cos.. not to forget to go for roller-blading.. and jogging.. really wanna know how to roller-blade confidently b4 dec arrives.. so should make a point to go roller-blade regularly.. if not waste money.. :D

alrightie.. maybe quite lazy soon to update blog bah.. but i can assure u all if anything pisses me off or i feel very bored or very upset or anything really interesting like me getting a boyfriend (which is not going to happen in the next few months) will surely update..

alrightie.. im feeling really really tired... zzzzzzzzzzzzz.......

real run.. and night cycling..

2008-10-19T16:47:00.003+08:00

had my real run today.. HOT >.< it's REALly a hot run. I did better than I tot, if not for being pulled to run.. i guessed I would have ran at much slower pace. gun time is around 1:09:25, my watch time is around 1:07:25.. i planned to run only within 1:20.. oh man.. hahahaha.. hopefully for stan chart I will improve a little given that the weather will be much better cause will start earlier too but this time will be running alone i guess.. feeling of running with people, hmm.. u get encouragement but u feel paisei that they have to run at ur own pace despite the fact they could have ran much faster so in a way.. it made me wanna go train up a little more so that at least i wouldn't be too far behind.. had bad headache after the run.. and it is not really improving after panadol and rest. guess later tonight back in academy gonna rest a little more..

night cycling.. i felt like going back hall.. really.. back to my uni days at times.. cause i still miss those times.. in hall.. in my hall room.. doing project with jk, yb, sh and ying.. watching youtube overnight.. i even remember there was once i watched it and i noticed the sunrise from my window.. yes... that's how crazy i had been.. and i missed those times.. hall is a place of loads of memory for me.. in fact.. i still remember the times in year 2 when i hid in my room, all lights off, in bed crying, not going for lessons.. or times when rl will see me crying.. and i just cried.. i don't miss those times of cos.. but i missed the comfort of the room, the company of rl.. the company of ying, sy.. even the complaining of sy.. hhahaha.. i missed him also.. weird.. but i think i may have seen him yesterday.. i feel like finding him out for a coffee.. and find out how's his teaching life, his wife, his baby.. but i have no idea where to start.. hahaha.. well.. maybe this's how u feel abt ur first love bah.. u never forget... i don't hate him lah.. and of cos.. i am not going to fall in love with him anymore.. hee ;)hmm.. back to the question of night cycling.. i don't wanna go cycling with the whole grp of youngster.. yes.. they are really very young and u can feel urself being really old and lack of energy.. but jk jio leh.. hmm.. so i was thinking of just going back hall to find all my old year4fun buddies.. but firstly must jio rl first.. RL!!! so how so how?? go supper after that lah.. roti prata or geylang horfun!! was thinking of driving there..

13 weeks liao.. at the start of last week.. was really really terrible.. however towards the end.. felt a little more positive bah.. perhaps it's because it's really getting better.. or because the weekend is here or because sunday got to do activities with the same old grp of pple that we really missed a lot during the week..

what exactly is love and who exactly is the right guy.. sometimes such questions just keep poping out in my head.. i don't know where i stand.. i don't know what i want.. what exactly is fate? what has God arranged for me.. my head is too small for big questions.. hmm.. how i wish im back in sec sch when i never seems to like anyone at all.. when all i care for is.. npcc.. nutz.. finish my maths paper within an hour despite given 2.5 hours.. try to pass my english.. hahaha.. those were the times.. the best part of my schooling life.. almost top of the school.. teacher's pet.. happy cca.. happy friends.. beautiful memories.. ahh.. im a person who loves to daydream.. yes.. i am.. i can daydream of almost anything.. having a family.. having my own car.. having my own house.. of travelling around the world with my loved one.. doing well in my career and only quiting for the sake of my children.. hahaha.. yes yes.. all these are dumb dumb.. dream too much.. must live in reality.. so for now.. back to training days.. back to liking my fav instructor.. oh.. forgot to mention one very important thing.. he looked damn good i think last fri.. wasei.. i dont know why but im totally in love with him man.. ahhahaa.. okay lah.. just on looks lah.. very superficial i know.. tat's why i will announce that i like him.. come on lah.. if i like someone for real i will announce one meh.. i'll just keep denying ma.. :D

alright.. this is a long naggy post.. shall spare u all.. hopefully my instructor will be all smiles for the whole week.. :D

Happy...

2008-10-15T06:02:00.002+08:00

Being happy is to forget the unhappiness things.

Being happy is doing something that you enjoy.

Being happy makes people around you happy.

Being happy is to be satisfied with what you have.

Being happy is to have a happy family.

I am going to be busy with work and running cause I just wanna keep myself and my brain occupied. And yup.. i really wish that I fall sick soon for a lot of reasons. Dumb i know but I need a break from reality at times.

back to academy

2008-10-11T21:50:00.002+08:00

attachment has come to an end. a very enriching experience. really see a lot, learnt a lot and in certain way energize a lot too. a change of environment has made me look forward more to the life back in academy. i'm regaining my enthusiam as more new people are coming in and yup, htbc will be interesting too and of cos not forgetting about my fav instructor! hee;)

few things about attachment other than the official stuffs such as learning to handle cases and tl job scope. one is that i seldom got a chance to eat proper food/meal, my meal hours had gone chaotic. next is that i'm so lack of time for exercise, felt so unhealthy. despite the fact that i lost weight over these two weeks, but i know that im losing muscle mass instead, so irritating!! need to regain all the muscles again. sigh.

going to learn new skill once again. roller blading. this time, I wanna make sure i know how to blade as i know how to cycle. one interesting thing abt cycling is i know how to cycle very much soon after i know how to walk. that's what my mum told me b4!! i had learnt blading before but stopped halfway cause of a big fall on my butt. as to why i pick it up again.. hmm.. got two primary reasons bah, one is got friend to teach me how to blade properly e.g. breaking fall and stuff, secondly is getting bored with jogging liao. had ran 42, 21, 5 and soon need to run 15 and 10, so in a way, had different feel of long and short distance running, not that i have very good timing just that as being lifang, i get bored with stuff easily, i need to change activities to be interested. my mum has commented today that i can't seems to stay put at any point of time, every second, i seems to have the need to move around, run around and be outside walking, shoppping anything but sit down at home.. hahha.. somehow i think im getting this virus from one of my friend..

well.. better start going back to my report writing liao. haven't write anything yet. gonna spend an hour writing out something and off to sleeping so that tmr can walk up early to roller blade and jog and be back at home by 11 so that can go out and meet friends for lunch again!! and then back from lunch, pack stuffs for academy, dinner and finally back there again.. really look forward to going back.. perhaps i miss my instructor a bit too much liao.. hahaha.. havent talked to him for weeks liao.. hehe.. i must be crazy :S

Interesting night life

2008-10-04T17:23:00.002+08:00

I'm amazed @ sg nite life. Yesterday is an eye-opener 4 me. Never really been to all these night clubs area other than the hall bash and the 2 time visit to MOS and zouk. The feeling yesterday night is a total different kind of feeling. I really enjoy doing my job though it can be really tiring. I'm a havoc person in nature I guess. Of cos, I won't do what all those nonsense people do, but I like to be there to stop them from doing so.

In the middle of writing this post, got a call. Kind of break off my tots. Cause I'm just feeling happy happy happpy now:D

Alright that's all for now then. I love lazing and nua-ing comfortably everyday so here I'm going back to my bed to laze and nua :D:D:D

One fine day..

2008-10-02T22:03:00.002+08:00

The title is totally nonsense. Cause can't really think of a title. Yesterday had been interesting with work. Tiring, headache, hungry but learnt a lot of things.

Optimistic, is an amazing thing. When one thing goes down, it will eventually go up. The principle that I lived with since more than 2 years ago. It had brought me through a lot of things and made me a stronger person in terms of mental. However problem solving is not yet something I can conquer. Learning still, cause problem solving involves both the heart and mind. Sometimes it's hard to make them coordinate.

Alright that's all for today. Tmr is going to be a good day! Rise and shine and meet a new day. (At least that's what I want!) :D

good days ahead i hope;-)

2008-09-28T16:01:00.002+08:00

blogging using my handphone. Kinda fun;-) next few days are going 2 b busy and exciting. Really look forward to good days ahead. And yup hopefully can meet up with people. Guess the next few days will be days with lesser sleep but i don't really mind as long as i got to go out and do my work;-) going 2 meet more new people i guess, definitely going 2 miss some of the guys from my place though cause in the past few weeks got 2 see them almost everyday. Well these two weeks come at the right time thou cause it's a chance to refresh myself and make me all enthu about my job again. Too mundane and schedule life definitely kills me.. Well well.. That's all 4 now;-)

First day of leave

2008-09-25T12:53:00.003+08:00

Today is the first time in my whole life to officially clear leave!! Today is meant to be a casual happy day cause no studies no work. However, it is tainted by a little of moodiness. well, so the basic task for now is to brush it off and ignore it as long as i can take it and hopefully i don't blow up. Later in the afternoon shall go and run to keep myself occupied and today is MUM's BIRTHDAY!!! Will be going out for dinner with the whole family.

I missed the times when i get to play soccer. I miss the times when i get to run around nus. I miss the times when i go for lecture in lt 6. I miss the times when i spend in E5 computer lab. I miss my JC classroom time. I miss my secondary school life. I miss a lot of things, a lot of people, and somehow I'm not in control of time, in control of others. I hate the feeling of missing cause it makes one vulnerable.

I'm feeling sleepy... zzzzzzzzz.....

10 weeks..

2008-09-20T15:48:00.004+08:00

Wohoo.. amazingly 10 weeks had passed!!

Started on learning to play golf since last week. Had my lesson 2 this week. It had been fun especially when the golf ball is flying properly in the air. Well, my friends they were saying I had a nice golf swing BUT well too bad sometimes the club and the golf ball don't seem to meet and so well the golf ball stay put even though how hard i swing the club >.<

this coming weeks are going to be busy and interesting.. exam coming up and attachment..

sometimes looking back.. amaze at the past, and wondering what's coming ahead..

Ups and downs..

2008-09-14T14:51:00.002+08:00

Sometimes things just go bad all of a sudden. I really wonder at times if my mum ever really support my career. Maybe this time is just my own fault. In fact, it is not just a maybe, it is just simply my own fault. Lots of tots in the mind, but hard to put any of them into words.

Fairness, Loyalty, Integrity and Courage. Sometimes I really wonder if I possess any of them. The other time when I got the job, I promised God that I will do it well. Just a few weeks into it, I start to see my own faults, trying to change, trying to learn and trying to understand myself.

Perhaps all i need is time and understanding. Just that in this realistic world will I ever have the luxury of time and the chances to make mistakes and amend them without leaving any traces.

Well, it hurts even more when your parents reject what you have given to them.. Sigh. Lifang! stop doing dumb things!!! argh..

Studying life once again..

2008-09-14T12:32:00.003+08:00

Somehow, I spent this weekend studying. To be frank, I felt very satisfied with it. It felt good. Perhaps you will say I have no social life. Well, that may be true but at the same time not so true after all. During the weekdays in the academy, I was busy with interacting with people so much so that I have no time for studies.

For a chao mugger like me since my primary school days, it is hard for me not to like studying, especially times when I can spend time in an air-conditioned room, at one corner, listening to music and simply in my own world of studying. Once in a while, messaging pple, blogging, facebooking, it just felt like student life once again. I really enjoyed this period of time.

Btw.. gotten my new phone!! Very happy with it cause it has WIFI, FM radio and almost everything that I need.

This weekend just feels quite good. Most of the time felt happy. Hmm.. next week timetable looks interesting too. Full of activities and the whole group will be together again.

Hope tmr night everything will go well. Had prepared an interesting plus lame story to tell the rest. Hope they have enough sense of humour to understand it. I know one thing for sure, if i tell the story to ruoling they all, they will definitely enjoy it cause it's just simply my old way of telling jokes and lame stories. Not sure of the crowd that I'm going to get tmr.

I'm hungry here in the library. However, not going for lunch for today I guess cause don't wanna give up my seat here. Got myself a whole BIG pack of M&Ns. Yes, the peanut one! My super favourite!!! hee :D had been resisting it for long. but today decide to give myself a treat for studying and at the same time i had been working hard during pt for last week. somehow last week pt time, i was always dying. really wonder why. think perhaps is lack of rest. this week gonna rest more also. cause my friends said ever since i started work, i look more pale than before :S

yup.. back to study study :D

Mamma Mia!!

2008-09-13T10:52:00.002+08:00

Mamma Mia the movie is finally here!!! Wheee.. So happy. Had been waiting for it for so long. This thurs is going to be the opening. Gonna watch it as soon as I can afford the time. Perhaps this friday bah. Yippee!! Well, had watched the musical the other time in London. Really enjoyed it. Perhaps is because it's my very first musical, or perhaps is because I watched it with my stupid brother, or simply just perhaps it is really an enjoyable musical. Had been planning where I should go and watch this movie. Hmm.. Looking forward to this friday!!! YEAHH!!!

Studying..

2008-09-07T11:57:00.002+08:00

Well.. initially it was the two weeks of emceeing that filled my weeks. Now, it's gonna be studying liao. E-learning, pppo, and even commands. Hmm.. just wanna do things as best as i can. My life somehow starts to get a little too routine, something that I really don't like. Somehow I can't choose to do things as I like, have to follow others' timing and stuff. Hmmm...

Oh.. lets talk about something that's nice. Golf is starting soon, gonna learn a new skill once again. XY most likely going US for work liao.. Gonna miss her a lot a lot. But i decided liao, next may/june, i shall go over and travel with her! so it means the need to really save money as the way i had been saving for the last two months. And finally i found a wallet that I like!!! I had been looking for nice wallet for so long, finally found something that is really nice and really attracts me.. Yippee!! but gonna wait for two more months later before I will get it I guess or perhaps should just wait till dec so that I can get myself a X'mas pressie :D oh ya.. and my bro says we are going to share to buy F1 tix for my parents!! guess the seats that he gotten is not very good, but i guess mum and dad will be happy bah.. especially my dad will definitely 100% want to bring his video camera out and most likely will be informing all our relatives that he's watching.. cause my dad is always a very proud dad!! hahaha.. still remember the times whenever i tell him about my psle, olevel and alevel results and my scholarship, he will be so very happy and informing everyone.. although my dad seldom push us to study.. in fact he doesn't at all, he is always very happy and proud of us.. hehe.. believe me.. when i going for my academy graduation, im quite sure if he is allowed to bring in his video camera, he will definitely bring it in.. just like he brought it in during my uni commencemnt ceremony.. :D

alrightie.. back to study once again.. waiting for my bak ku tei lunch!! mum is cooking it!! wahahahah.. :D:D

Irritated...

2008-09-02T13:03:00.002+08:00

Argh.. Just very pissed off now.. Whatever lah.. Argh.. just wanna scream out loud now.. ARGHHHH... shall just go for my afternoon little nap... ARGHHHHHHHHHH...

Weekends

2008-08-31T17:08:00.002+08:00

Weekends always pass very fast when one works. Every second counts. It is spent going out with family and friends. Lucky for me, for now, there isn't a need to fork out time for bf. Hee ;) Somehow, due to the fact of lack of time, every weekend is almost packed to the fullest, not leaving me any time for just simply me and myself. I think I need that soon cause I'm really getting more and more tired as days pass by. Next sunday, I shall try to stay at home the full day. Well, afterall, next saturday will be another day of all activities including tennis, food, and lotsa more sports i guess.

Haven't been running recently. Gonna go and run later. At least 5 km I guess.

Had my diarrhoea once again. Irritating.

Looking to a more peaceful week ahead after 2 weeks of emcee-ing and rehearsals.

This week gonna sit back, relax and enjoy.. (while studying a little too, btw.. i fail 2 tests!! the very first time in my entire studying life.. to be frank, i have no idea how to pass them :S)

Another run..

2008-08-24T11:45:00.002+08:00

had my 21km run today.. not too bad.. dint train for it at all.. and luckily i completed it..

enjoyed the run.. 42, 5, and now 21. 10 in dec. ying asked that i really enjoy running. well, to be frank, yes. especially when i do such long runs in such events. cause i can have the whole time to myself running with everyone else. a time when i can exercise, be my true self, in my own world, thinking through and pushing hard on the target - to completion. i'm a slow runner, but im just running my own race. i don't give a damn on how others do, just as long as im happy and sweat all out.

mum always will ask why i don't run with my friends.. especially for long runs like this.. but somehow im more comfortable running at my own pace bah.. of cos, i don't mind my mr right to run for all the races with me.. yes.. my mr right is supposed to be more outdoor-loving than me, more energetic than me and of cos spur me on to keep on going when i feel like giving out.. well.. of cos all these are just dreams.. hmm.. at least in the past, these were not part of the character i look forward to.. hahaha.. where am i heading towards.. too much of running really makes one go dotz dotz dotz... :S

well.. i shall just end off here.. going off to treasure the last few hours of civilization :D

A rather eventful week

2008-08-21T22:57:00.003+08:00

Well.. this is a rather eventful week. It is filled with a lot of things, happiness, achievement, pain, upset, irritated and many many.

Happiness and achievement come in two events. One is IPPT and the other is the welcome party. For the very first time in my whole life, I ran 2 times 2.4km below 13mins. Yes, to me is amazing! For one thing, normally in the past, in JC, the best i can do is 14 mins plus. But for the run on tues and today, both timing was the gold timing!! Yes for IPPT, the gold timing is not just about getting an A, it is about getting below 12:45. Welcome party is a great achievement for the fact that it is my first time being a mc. I give myself a 5.5/10. Not that I have low self-esteem, just that I know I have loads more to improve on to be what Lance is like, so fast in thinking and so confident out there.

Good things aside, this week had let me felt shitty at times. Sometimes even literally. I had diarrhoea since yesterday night. It is really quite bad and because of it, I threw my temper for the first time in here. well, not really throw lah, just that, i just shut people off with like don't bother about me, give me some space. this is the time that i really wish, i right back at home, where mum is. irritated times, i really can't say out how exactly it is, lets put it this way, i really need to go back home and complain everything to my mum non-stop, tmr when i see xy, she will be hearing me complaining non-stop too.

well, i guess this week is too eventful for me to handle, including me getting to sms my fav. person!! yes, but it only happens for two days.. so sad now.. hahahaa.. well.. somehow, from this week, i really learn a lot a lot of things.. like well.. being too willing to share perhaps is not too good a thing afterall..

alright.. to summarise, i still love this training sooo very the much, the people here are GREAT!! just that i need to understand them better, know myself better and hence able to deal with relationship better bah. Be more easy-going and of cos, forgive and forget. I'm just seeking for some peace :D

Memories

2008-08-10T09:48:00.002+08:00

Somehow memories is such an interesting thing. It comes back to you all of a sudden without knowing. It sticks to you even when u try to brush it off. Perhaps what one can do is just simply immerse oneself in work and play.

I found back my focus recently again :D In the next two years to come, the focus will be on work and play. Work for my career, travel to play. No burden, no worries.

Going to start back on intense running once again. Had been missing the shiok feeling for long.

Work and play shall fill my life for now. Play of cos will include family, friends from sec, jc, hall, uni. I'm so glad I'm back on focus.

Memories is perhaps a reminder of my focus and dreams. To forget is impossible but to focus is something that I'm good at. Dream has arrived and it is time to make it beautiful.

080808 a good day

2008-08-08T22:13:00.002+08:00

this week i learnt a lot. being a leader is not easy, but i guess my performance is passable..

I learnt a lot about everything. I had gained more confidence. This week I even volunteer to be mc. I'm going to push myself further and improve myself more.

I love my job. :D

3 weeks..

2008-08-01T12:48:00.002+08:00

LIfe here is good. In fact, it is really new and interesting. I experience a lot of things that i never experience before. So much so that I really at times at a lost of how to react is the correct way.

I'm learning loads about my job and I really love the way it is. I guess somehow, i will become more and more different as the training goes on bah. Not to worry, I will become a better person. Someone who thinks more and definitely mature more and learn to stay by my own principle too. I see it as a personality building kind of thingy.

I love the squad that I'm in now. The people, the spirit, and of cos not forgetting the curry rice.. :P However, I also start to miss my uni friends, my jc friends and Nutz they all.

Hmm... if only I have more time each weekend.. :S

2008-07-19T11:53:00.002+08:00

Not very sure what title this entry should be called.

It is just 3 months that all of us had graduated from NUS. However, somehow, life for everyone seems to be very different and distant. I'm stuck somewhere in a ulu part of Singapore while everyone else are busy working in civilisation. No computer and newspaper for a week or rather 5 days, I feel myself a little detach from the outside world.

Weekends are so precious now. To meet up with friends is really good and nice, however, most of the time, I just feel so tired and at times, just want to spend some time at home with family. With my dad driving taxi from sat evening till sun evening, the chances of me going hiking with my parents seem so slim as the amount of time spent at home is just so little. Just one week and I can already see and feel that in the next 2-3 years to come, my social life is just simply all gone. Well, to be frank, it is rather sad. However, at least I'm doing something that I love and dream to be so I guess things will get and feel better as time goes by.

Meeting new people is really fun. Firstly, you get to know how to deal and talk with new people, learn how to think of topic to chat about, learn how to tolerate people and well effective communication huh. Secondly, I also get to learn more about myself, more about what i dislike and more about my character and yup loads.

I look forward to the upcoming week. However, I don't look forward to tmr evening. The chore of moving my stuffs back and bringin the shoe rack back is really troublesome. I really wonder why am I always so dumb to volunteer myself for difficult job. :P

And so it begins...

2008-07-13T15:46:00.002+08:00

Loads of thoughts but no idea where to begin.

An informative orientation week and I really look forward to this coming week. However, I don't really say it out loud to others cause somehow some of them are looking forward to the first book out weekend. Perhaps is because I had been slacking so much during the holidays that I look so much forward to training and working bah. Well, or perhaps it is still the old me who is thirsty for new stuffs and soon if ever the enthusiasm dies off perhaps I will start complaining once again :P

Whatever the reason it may be, it is still something worth looking forward bah :D

I'm glad I chose this path.

Excitment

2008-07-06T16:25:00.002+08:00

Normally i can sleep one whole stretch from night till morning. For the pass two days, I had been waking up in the middle of the night for a number of times. The excitment is making me having too much adrenaline rush. :D

Tmr is the DAY. I had been looking forward to it for too long until I don't know what to expect from it.

Just one sentence that I wanna say: YIPPPEEE!!!! I'm officially starting work as a P.O.!!!! :D:D:D

It's coming

2008-07-02T18:00:00.002+08:00

Well, time really flies.. Zoom and it is soon going to be the time for me to start work too!!

The road ahead feels a little scary. However, I think things are turning out well for now. My skin allergy which had been with me for past few months is totally under the control of the medicine and my knee injury had somehow gotten much better liao. In fact I'm quite confident by 14th july when the formal training starts, they should be alright :D

Yup, this weekend is going to pass by fast also. Friday will have dinner with Nutz they all at pu tian :D then saturday will go to the southern ridge walk or something like that there to walk the whole morning and afternoon bah. Then sunday will just be simply staying at home with mum :D

Monday will be the start of work! Tuesday early morning....................... my stupid brother will be back in SINGAPORE!!! Thursday sis's birthday!! Friday go cantoment!! My most fav place of all :D Sat go rl's commencement then come back for my sis steam boat :D

So many many nice nice things coming up.. YIPPEE!!

The waiting has finally ended...

2008-06-27T20:00:00.003+08:00

The email with regards to my orientation has finally come. So glad, so happy, so joyful.

Last few days of doing several things that I won't do once I start work. However, I still wish the days do pass faster, and at the same time I become fitter.

Summer is finally here :D

Waiting

2008-06-27T10:06:00.002+08:00

I really hate waiting. Waiting is the top 2 things that I hate the most in my life I think. The top thing that I hate the most is being said to have done something that I had not done.

Had been waiting for news from my work there for TWO days liao. Every day wait for both the email and the snail mail. That's really really very irritating. The thing is I need to inform my surieties when to take leave and the way that they are doing it is like assuming the whole world can choose to take leave the very next moment to come and help me sign. Oh man, that's TOTALLLY ridiculous and really pi**ing me off.

Left with around 9 days to start of work and 10 days to the return of the stupid PIG and 16 days to commencement :D GREAT things are coming :D

And of course GREAT things are happening to my friends too. Hmm, really happy for my friend who is attached :D:D:D And hopefully all my friends who had started work are enjoying their work and for those who are still seeking for a job will be getting offer soon.

Had been shopping A LOT A LOT these few weeks since I had nothing better to do and my mum is ever willing to go shopping with me and buy loads of stuffs for me. Guess is because she sees tat once I start work I seldom will have time for all these liao.

Hmm.. Guess it's time for me to call them again and start sweeping and mopping the floor liao :D

Holidays.. Last 3 weeks..

2008-06-15T16:50:00.002+08:00

Haven't been really blogging. Just don't really feel like doing so. A lot of things had been happening ever since my last paper. Like grad trip, home alone, marathon, being @ home. Loads of thoughts had went through the brain of mine just that feel hard to write all that i had gone through through the weeks. To give a summary, it had all been good, in fact at times great. However, there are times i feel like enjoying the last few weeks of pure relaxation, of pure holidays, cause somehow I feel like really be working hard in the future. On a side note, it is the thought of being a police officer pushes me to run and race till the end of the finishing line of the marathon, and of cos not forgetting the pride of being a woman, made me wanna run past as many guys as I can right before the finishing line. :D

I will say I'm ready mentally, just that I'm physically not so. My knees and my skin itchness are sending me to worry a little. However, I passed my medical checkup and I guess all will be well. Being able to finish a 42km, I feel that I'm at least fit, good lungs, good heart, good muscles and most importantly, determined and had loads of pride. I almost chickened out the day before the marathon. Really, cause I'm afraid I can't finish the race. However, ying and sh offered to bring me to changi village right from the doorstep of my house, and that results in me arriving at the changi village for the start of the race. XY will of course promise me to be at the finishing line taking photo of me, and cause I'm afraid she may have to wake up too early and be at the finishing line waiting for me for too long as I tot I will take at least 7 hours to reach the finishing line, I told her that the earliest I will be back will be 7am. She, hh and martin drove all the way down just to get the smelly me back from changi village to home. Not forgetting my friends smsing and msning their encouragements and telling me not to push myself too hard and the support from my family, I really finished my first marathon in 6 hours 20 odd mins. I teared when I crossed the finishing line. If not for the rain, the people there will be thinking what am I doing. I teared not because of the immerse muscle pain that I suffering from or the heart paining knee pain that I'm going to face after the race, but rather is because of the sense of pure satisfaction, the sense of achievement, the sense of accomplishment, the sense of I never tot I will ever do it but I did, the sense of how true nothing is impossible had meant, all these and more, it feels good, no, it feels great, and better than any words that I learnt to describe the feeling. Well, put it this way, i suffered great pain during and after the race, however, for the feeling of passing another finishing line, I had signed up for army half marathon in aug and going to sign up for the singapore marathon in dec.

Well, i never tot of saying all these when I start on this blog entry, had wanted to keep it short and sweet, however, taking of this marathon it made me feel so excited and well there are in fact loads and loads of things to talk about. really, it feels like an experience of a lifetime. I had really enjoy the journey, the running journey, though the start of it had been just purely to lose weight, now it had become an enjoyment. I'm not a good runner, in fact I'm very slow. However, I'm just proud of myself that I love to wear that red adidas shirt that had this line behind: 42km Finisher. That, is my pride.

What do i do during these 2 months of holidays?

2008-05-11T08:34:00.003+08:00

I guess I have something in mind liao bah. Here are the things I'm gonna do after I come back from Malaysia Road Trip. I hope.

1. Sleep for 8 hours everyday.
2. Go to gym for an hour.
3. Go jogging.
4. Meet up with friends for meals.
5. Watch movie with MUM :D
6. Read newspaper every morning (yes. I still haven't had the habit in me yet :( )
7. Economist
8. Go library. (I really think library is really a good hang out place. No money need to be spent. Air-conditioned somemore :D )
9. Just be Healthy, Happy and Hohoho :)

On a side note, my dearest STUPID brother is coming back around 3-4th of July. He wanna be back before I enter academy. Hee :)

Puzzled and bored

2008-05-10T17:15:00.000+08:00

That's what I'm feeling now. Maybe it's just only me bah.

.

2008-05-09T19:31:00.002+08:00

yesterday had my last paper. Bahasa Melayu I. Perhaps after petroleum, I had already enjoyed so much fun such that I won't feel the sudden release from studying. All i felt on my way back hall is a sense of emptiness and wondering of what lies ahead in the future. I hate that feeling and wanted a time just for myself. I went to Vivo myself, ate my fav korean food at the food republic and watched Nim's Island all alone. It just happened that the person gave me a centre seat in the last row. which is as we all know are the couple seats :s

At night, the design 2 group and RL had our party.

All just ended just like this. Here I am in this room knowing that by 10 plus 11, I won't ever step into this room again. I won't have done the crazy things I had ever done in hall ever again.

All has ended. Just like this bah. From now on, I'm going to take a BIG step forward and hopefully always be who I am and not to lost myself along the way. :D

Here and there

2008-05-04T22:16:00.002+08:00

Well.. had been at home for the past few days. Nothing much done other than watching loads of tv and sleep even more than I'm awake..

I'm working soon. well. compare to others it is still not so soon. but. somehow i can feel it nearing very very fast. i guess it is very soon i will be signing the training deed, going for medical checkup, getting my uniform. somehow i don't know how to describe the feeling I had been having. It is a very positive feeling. it is like i can even feel very emotional about it. it is like a very big achievement. I don't know how to put it over. lets see it from another point of view, if suddenly during the medical checkup, it is realised that i'm unsuitable for the job. It will be devastating. It will be worse than my first breakup, It will be worse than getting a F for my maths, It will be worse than my big tweety bird head dropping off his neck, It will be worse than suddenly if I found out I cannot graduate this semester. Yes, it will be so bad. Cause if suddenly without it. I will totally be at a lost. Yup, the feeling of lost. Not knowing what lies ahead, not just about not knowing what's going to happen the next day but rather not even knowing what's going to happen the next sec. I may have exaggerated, but the kind I'm feeling now is the direct opposite of what I have mentioned above. I guessed you all can get it bah :D

well.. the next few weeks my timetable is going to be soooo full..

here is the schedule:
5th may - 7th may: study for malay, run 5,10,15km for the three days :D
8th may: exam, go buy things for drinking party and rearrange my rm for the party AND party time :D (5km)
9th may: meet szeyi, pack my room and home (gym)
10th may: move house!! (10km)
11th may: mother's day dinner and do a long good run before the malaysia road trip
12th may - 21st may: malaysia road trip
22- 27th may: last intensive training..
28,29,30 may: short training
31 may: RACE DAY!
1st JUne: stupid brother's stupid birthday. lets hope I can show off my finisher medal to him when he comes back from FRance :D
2nd june: from here onwards not sure leh. meet all my friends, go gym and run run run. gonna be fit and healthy :D and yup. going to try to reach my ideal weight before i enter academy. YIPPEEE!!!! I'm nearing 0707!!!

Dream.. I don't dream BIG, I just wish for this very dream to be the best reality I ever have :D

graduation...

2008-05-01T01:44:00.002+08:00

It's here. I'm unofficially a graduate.

Had been busy with studying for petrol for the past one week or so. No internet at home cause all the computers at home are spoilt except my sis's company laptop which is locked by a lot of password so havent been checking on friends' blog. Realise they all update so much liao.

Me. Well. Got a whole lot of events lining up for me. Books, movies, jigsaw puzzle, jogging, gym, roadtrip to malaysia, loads of things.

Going to start my healthy cum good lifestyle from this moment onward. Going to sleep.

I love having free time and not stick myself to the computer stuck to watching drama. However, I wonder how long this will last.

On another note, I'm really happy that I had finished my university life. Cause the next thing up for me. Will just simply be PREPARING for the training. However, going to miss the people here. My neighbours!! RL, YY, SH, YB, Del.. Hmm.. >.<

Time to sleep. :D

Healthy lifestyle

2008-04-19T02:33:00.002+08:00

Hmm.. these few days, things are not going very smoothly. but well. i will just not blog abt them at all. everyday i will find something happy and nice to talk about:D i will try:D

i had been missing running and eating rubbish and late nights and endless sleeping.

SO the new target for these few upcoming weeks is to run, jog, eat healthily, eat yoghurt everyday, drink 2 cups of milk everyday (HAPPIE), eat brown rice for lunch, dinner will be light light, and hopefully but no promises.. no supper.

to be frank, my main aim now is really to complete the marathon even by walking. so these last 42 days. all will turn out well :D just like the 42 km :D

:D

2008-04-18T02:14:00.002+08:00

I'm very happy now. Really.

I can't stop myself from smiling. Can't stop myself wishing that that day will come. Soon. Fast.

I think I'm crazily in love. It is like every little news I can get about him, it will just simply brighten up my day.

I guess love is just like that. Everyday will think about him. Try to get news about him from anybody i possibly can think of.

Though I know love will bring some disappointment along the way. However, because love is blind. I will not be able to judge properly of the mistakes that are being made and despite times that he may upset me, it is forgotten once I sleep and wake up.

I love discussing about him with others. Though I know they may not be as interested in him as I am. Everyday that passes by, I'm getting closer to him. I get to know about him better.

No one can pull me out from this love relationship. I believe the love will last forever. I'm glad I made the right choice. I believed he will give me more joy than I ever thought there will be installed for me.

I met him 4 years ago. 4 years down the lane.. My love for him had slowly matured and grow ever stronger.

I'm totally in love. With him. For him, I had decided to join marathon. For him, I had decided to learn Malay.

I look forward to the day that I will step into the relationship with him.

070708.. Will you come a little faster?? :D

Hellow.. I'm still awake

2008-04-16T05:40:00.002+08:00

Today deserves an entry.. or rather yesterday is a day to remember..

15th April 2008: The last day, I stepped into a lecture hall. The very last day i attended class as a student. Though a small little minor thing that not much people will notice. But it leads me to a lot of thinking. Lead me to the times in the smelly LT7 in year one times, the glory i had in JC and the play time and no study time in sec., the primary school life where every teacher expects me to do well thanks to my dearest brother HIGH reputation. My kindergarten life of playing with my very good friend at the playground and the performance of being a flower :D

Time really flies. Study life had seen me grow from a small little kid to a soon to be working adult. It had seen my mum and dad aged, friendships grown and diminished, defining my behaviour and who I am.

Today I spend most of the time doing report. In fact, most of the time is spent IN SCHOOL doing WORK. So it kind of marks a BOOM to the ending of my last day of school. (well there is still exam, but those are not really counted)

I will miss a lot of things. Really. Most importantly is the happy times i spend with my friends. Really. Having go through so many years of studies, I realise study is afterall not the main point in us going to school and just purely study. I'm not a born scholar, neither do I want to be one. I just want to make friends and study happily. No stress, no crying over unfinished studying, no throwing of temper at my family when I'm stressed with studying and projects.

Many times, I will be thinking, if only, I din't stay in hall, my grades will have been better, if only i din't stay in hall, I may have gone for the double degree program with my STUPID brother. However, thinking back, if got a choice, I will still stay in hall and not have a boyfriend then. Oopps.. Hee ;)

I'm really thankful for the friends I made in hall though there are times that there are unhappiness, however, these are the people who saw me grew through the four years. these are the people who had tolerate me for 4 whole years. these are the people who knew how lazy i am and still "willingly" had to do projects with me (well.. cause I forced them to >.< ) these are the people who can tolerate my lame-ness and become so good at filtering it too >.< these are the people who can keep on laughing at the climb tree joke which is NOT funny at all..

well well well.. I had eaten 2 panadol extra today because of headaches but somehow i'm awake now because of these thinking back and blogging thingy.. or rather.. is because of this maggie goreng beside me :D hee.. yea yea.. greedy me.. but actually I dint really plan to eat it.. cause I was thinking ying and sh busy with compiling so they wont be sleeping that early so i bought the food for them, never did i know they sleep liao :( so i guess i have to eat by myself.. dont wanna waste food :D

alright. i shall spare u all from my never ending nagging.. i shall go and you-tube awhile :D

:(

2008-04-13T00:37:00.002+08:00

somehow.. i feel myself useless.. to the group..

perhaps it let me see how unsuitable i am for an engineer.

why do things turn ugly?

hope everything will be fine.

all i want is to graduate happily with all these friends i had been with for 4 years.

and be the police officer.

if only things can be that simple in life.

THe last week... :(

2008-04-11T20:33:00.002+08:00

the past week had been back. nothing seems to be done. running was bad though i did try to run. bad because the distance covered is really too little.

my mood was not good. had been in a sianz mood for too long.

costing was bad. the progress is way too slow. we just seem to be stuck at square one. yes. we did get stuff out. but the costings of the equipment at the moment are firstly wrong and very incomplete. i guess i had a problem to work and think with people around me and a bigger problem when i work in my room. guess tonight after senior farewell (the one and only block event that i joined) i will be heading towards E5. Going to do as much as i can. if needed overnight and tmr morning go home put the car and come back once again for hazop.

i need to get things done. i feel disgusting with myself for being so non productive. really bad.

i need to get my running back. or rather. get my distance increased. i just cant seems to cross the 40-50 mins limit. that's the limit i will be mentally prepared for a everyday run. i have to increase it i guess..

worse thing now is. my knees. everytime my knees come into the pic. it just made mi so sianz.

mum ask me.. whether im looking forward to my career or am i like a bit afraid that i wont be able to handle it..

well.. to me.. i really look forward 2 be a police.. be it climb a tree or whatever >.< but.. all i scare of..is.. during medical checkup.. should i ever mention abt my knees problem.. if i mention.. will they take me off and let me do desk work.. noooooooooooooooooo.. if that happens.. i will really really really be super sad.. in fact.. i will be devastated..

so.. for now.. i wont give up running.. at the same time.. i hope for miracle for my knees..

and most importantly.. last chionging.. for.. design.. nothing is going to fail me this time..

one last block event.. and off.. i will be.. preparing for my future once again :D

POlar rs200sd

2008-04-08T22:42:00.002+08:00

YIPEE!! i got my dream watch today.

though today started with a sianz feeling because need to re-network my HEN. yes.. really sianz.. but i guess.. it is nobody's fault bah.. i just need to get over that sianz part and yes.. im getting over it liao :D

with the help of POLAR!!! cost 390.. after 15% discount.. yes.. very ex hoh.. but.. it is a birthday gift fr sis and bro.. happie:D

my family had been super supportive of me joining marathon.. though mum scare i push myself too hard.. but then.. i so lazy.. where will push myself too hard..

all i lack of now.. from running properly.. is.. a pair of healthy knees..

i really enjoy running now.. just that.. the knee injury is still there.. it had been so long.. since i feel the feeling of painless knee.. so pple with good knees.. take care of it.. and go for jogging.. it is really fun.. and.. it is never running that will worsen it.. i cant say it for sure.. but all the readings i did on it say so..

well.. back to design.. last 8 days.. last lap.. gonna be a good runner.. one with determination.. and perseverance.. and most importantly.. run with a smile :D

i will try to stop being moody..

good things always come last.. really.. just keep believing in this :D

Alive and kicking hard

2008-04-04T03:53:00.002+08:00

Had been away for awhile. Had been really busy. Late nights are a norm. Few things happen which worth mentioning.

First up.. MY BIRTHDAY!!! yiipppeee.. well.. it had been great starting off with jk, yy and yb coming to E5 with bday cake and switching off the lights when everyone including me is chionging project in E5. okie.. to be frank.. im really half wishing that someone will come celebrate with me.. when the clock strikes 12.. then i was like.. okie.. nothing happen.. and the tot just went off.. haahah.. despite around 3/4 of the 24hour of birthday is spent doing project.. it had been rather good afterall.. thanks for the set of running clothes.. really really like it and very happy to have it.. :D

second up.. we will rock you.. i simply LOVE it.. it had been a great stress relieving event among my super busy schedule.. i really really really really enjoy it..

design 2 individual report is handed in.. it had been a long 3 weeks..

i miss travelling.. cause one day when i was walking back from E5 in the middle of the night.. a plane was flying in the sky.. i truly miss the times when taking budget airlines and flying from countries to countries..

i miss running.. time to run again.. yb, yy they all say as compare to when i just came back from exchange.. i had slimmed down.. in fact it is quite obvious.. HAPPY!!! as of now is 6kg off the weighting machine.. but i guess im 4kg away from my target..

i will go for the marathon.. despite not training for it recently.. cause.. i miss running.. and i enjoy running..

i cut my hair again.. one problem i face during cutting hair.. i really dont like pple who smokes to cut my hair.. cause when cutting.. i can just smell the cigarette smell from his fingers.. and i dont really like the idea of the possiblity of cigarette smell on my hair.. sorry if i sound very against cigarette.. yes.. i'm very against smoking.. i happen to live in a very well protected environment...

gotta sleep.. i wanna run tmr.. but guess wont have the time again.. hmmm.. shall see how..

i miss going home.. when my dad drove me to school on sunday to do project.. was in a bad mood.. and had been throwing my temper.. and my parents were soooo tolerant towards me.. shall try spending the weekend with them.. hopefully.. i will have good temper this whole weekend..

14 days of hard work and i will be almost done with uni life..

uncertainties lie ahead.. not within this 14 days.. but rather.. after uni life comes to an end..

busy week and weeks ahead..

2008-03-20T17:43:00.002+08:00

datelines are drawing near.. which means late nights and unhealthy lifestyle.. time to get my life back to normal.. really have to.. including the runnings..

had been tired cause of lack of sleep.. had been busy with work hence nothing eventful which means nothing happy..

today is my lunar birthday.. going to stop worrying about work for the next 4-5hours.. to start off the enjoyment.. i got myself a birthday gift.. a tweety bird handphone pouch.. really happy to see it.. :D:D:D

later will be having a feast :D but too bad.. now having a super bad sore throat :(

neh mind.. afterall.. late nights are ending soon..

Running home

2008-03-15T22:16:00.002+08:00

I never planned to run home this morning. The idea come to me the moment I woke up. Perhaps is because i throw temper at my mum when she called and I had felt very guilty about, perhaps is because I had pushed back my running of 12 miles for so long. I just have to get it done. And well, I decided to do it, the next moment, I'm on my way home, with just my hydration belt, hp, ez-link card.

It was a super super hot day. Thank God for my hydration belt, if not I will have been dehydrated.

At bukit timah road there, my dad called and wanna pick me up. Hahaha. Yes, so, erm, in the end i din't really run finish back home. I asked my dad to pick me up at macritichie there. When i reached there, papa and mama were cheering me on :D:D:D happy :D

tmr needs to go to lib to pia for design 2 liao. Happie also :D:D:D cause i wanna do it well, afterall, im really graduating soon liao :D:D:D and yes.. i'm joining my dream job liao :D:D:D all the running is to work hard for both the marathon and yes my job. I'm really working hard to do well there. :D:D:D

alrightie, yesterday is a bad day. today is a much better day. :D

Another Bad mood day

2008-03-14T19:16:00.002+08:00

Thought finishing FYP is a happy thing. But no idea why, I just got myself in bad mood again.

Maybe it is a lot of things that add up to my unhappiness bah. Can't really pin down to the one particular thing that makes me like this.

Guess it is really bad to be in school the whole week. I see no life. Really no life. From the boring FYP, to loads of people stuck with PSA, HTS and LTS, to endless lectures, bascially I don't see any life at all. Just as what yb had commented. Lifang, why u don't seems to have much friends in chem engine. To be frank, is it really that bad for me? i guess this is add to the reason why I'm in a bad mood. Perhaps, I don't really have friends bah. During petroleum class, if I don't sit with either yb or jk, bascially I have no friends to sit with. Yes, I know a lot of other people, and they will definitely not mind me sitting with them, but, somehow, it feels weird that suddenly out of the blue I find them to sit with, so i guess, i rather be who I am, a loner bah.

In exchange, if I don't find Zhen, I will be a loner, here, in Singapore, the same thing happens. I guess if throw me on a deserted island, I will still survive bah.

What had I been doing for these four years of my life? Sigh. Have I been wasting it? What have I learnt, what have I gained?

I'm just in a bad mood today. I shall think lesser, if not, the more i think, the more upset i will get. Shall just go for a sleep and all will be well again.

Sleepy days..

2008-03-13T15:38:00.002+08:00

Oh man, I just can't stop myself from sleeping. I just get tired so easily these few days. I can even fall asleep while watching tv. Can you believe that??!! I guess what jk said was right the remendy to tiredness is to sleep lesser. I think I really have to sleep lesser and work more. I had been pushing the datelines that I set for myself back and back. Argh, really have to start working and today, i really have to run my 12 miles. Oh man, yes, everyday i push it, from sunday, i push it to monday to tuesday to wednesday and now thursday. Though i ran the short distance in between but that doesn't mean I can skip my 12 miles totally. So today is the time I will try to run my 12 miles, i.e. as long as it doesn't rain. But looking at the sky, it seems like the 12 miles is not going to come true once again.

And, it is time to start working on my HEN report, petrol test, malay test and 4238 test. Of course I won't be studying for them now lah, it is the start to plan how I will study them, if not, I'm going to spend the following weeks struggling with all these. So I guess I gotta work hard now, so that I can enjoy later bah.

So someone.. STOP me from sleeping!!

Argh.

FYP done

2008-03-12T19:29:00.002+08:00

Yup, i completed my FYP liao. The moment I finished my presentation, I felt so so so happy :D

Now, i felt like doing something that is fun. Cause I haven't been going shopping and buy stuffs. I can't have a big big meal cause from now, I'm turning vegetarian, or rather, just a more healthy diet for marathon bah. So i guess the only way to make me happy is to buy things. However, I can't decide what to buy. I even feel like going to watch a movie. However, the chore of going out to watch and spending the time is not that tempting. So i just feel like doing my HEN bah.

Hmm, perhaps from now I will put all my focus on HEN, so that i can complete the heat integration by this weekend. Yes yes this weekend, I'm going to come back to school to be done with this cause next two weeks are going to be busy. My lunar birthday is coming soon!!! wahahaha.. so have to go back home and have dinner then is good friday can go out if i complete my HEN then i got "We will rock you" concert on the 30th at esplanade with my friend :D Then got two assessment. Hmm, so i guess for now, I shall just study bah:D

Now, i just hope my design and electives will do well, my training goes well and my malaysia road trip comes true.. If not, i guess i will be alone in sgp while my parents go Italy, it will be quite sianz...

Alrightie.. HEN time!

:D

2008-03-12T02:33:00.002+08:00

Monday was a bad day. Loads of thing went wrong.

The not happy feeling was brought over to Tuesday.

Somehow, I just feel i must start Wednesday onwards anew. I want to feel happy. To be happy. Somehow, I feel that today will be a not bad day.

First thing in the morning wake up. Will have to rehearse for FYP. At first thought of going for my 12 miles run while I missed on Sunday. Yup, now i'm only left with the 12 miles which i still have not complete. But i guess i will do the run after 6pm. Then lunch then FYP presentation. I think the presentation will be okie. Just 20 minutes of suffer and I will be done. I can run and push myself for such long distance what is the little 20 minutes of presenting can do to me.

Yup. I guess now, it seems like a lot of people know that I'm preparing to run a marathon. Really glad that i decide to try it out.

I'm really quite tired.

I somehow try to understand why my spirit are not up for quite sometime. Perhaps is the feeling that I'm going to graduate. Perhaps is the uneasiness that I feel that I'm seeing my dream come to life soon. Perhaps is because I just cant figure out how exactly am I feeling towards some people. I had been trying to figure it out for so long.. that it is bothering at times. Hmm.. I shall go sleep. When I wake up, I wish and pray that I will no longer be bothered. I will just simply live my last few weeks of uni life happily and yes.. from now on, I will try never to pull a long face, I will and i'm going to make it happen :D

I will try. Don't scold me if I'm upset ah.. :S

My brother is coming home soon :D

I'm a blessed child.

Poster, project and running

2008-03-09T09:24:00.002+08:00

Poster progress: Brother is dealing with it totally. All i need to do now is to wait for him to send it over and tmr i will send it to print. No matter what it looks like, it is going to be the last time I'm dealing with it. Wednesday 3pm, I will be done with FYP :D

Project progress: I went back school yesterday to write the report. Spent around 12 hours churning out my part. To be frank, I'm really glad and satisfied. During the writing of formulae, I learnt more about the model and at the same time found out more mistake from our model too, guess we will work on it more after our report 2. Now it is time for me to compile and add in any leftouts.

Desgin 2 project. My progress is slow. The plan is tonight I will go back hall, put down stuff and it will be time to go to E5 once again to deal with HX-net. Yup Yup. Tmr no Malay test, so guess can work hard on HEN. Decided to S/U my malay. Woke up from a bad dream today. The dream is with regards to taking a Malay test. It was a painful and sad 2 hour test, it reminded me how bad my language is.

Running progress: I missed my running training yesterday. Today is a 12 mile route. It is going to be long and tiring. I look forward to it despite that. Equipment added to my running equipment: a pair of running socks and hydration belt. Mama bought for me. Time to do an analysis on how much I spent on running.

1. Pair of running shoes ~S$140
2. Pair of running socks S$16.05
3. Hydration belt S$32
4. Two knee strap S&59.80
5. Cushioning sole S&43
6. Marathon fee S$50
7. Pair of running shorts S$12.90

and things that I will purchase
8. Sleeveless dry fit shirt that will not cause chafing
9. Polar watch to allow me to measure the distance that I run

for now, I guess this is all I need. I do enjoy running especially around the 30-40 mins part when I start to get my runner's high when I can feel myself able to run faster and longer.

The plan for today will be going running at 10 and then be back before 1 and then lunch then 4238 project and then dinner and then 4120 project.

Upset

2008-03-07T19:09:00.003+08:00

Ahhh.. i really feel upset now.. like really upset..

in fact.. i just wish i can get out of uni as fast as i can.. i dont hate studying.. i like chem engine.. i just purely hate this stupid module that makes me really dislike uni.. this module is like removing all the happy times i had in uni and just simply made me feel so.. diff even to breathe..

i know im just over upset over just a simple poster.. but from this poster.. i really really.. like 100 times.. 200 times.. just wish that.. i could have done a poster on something that i LOVE.. not just like.. in fact.. i dont really like fyp.. how i wish i can spend the 10 dollars on printing a tweety bird pic rather than printing a poster.. that i do feel that i spend loads of effort on.. but somehow... i just feel.. something is lacking in it.. that makes me proud of it..

i just want wed to come fast.. so that i can get over fyp.. i dont gave a damn on it anymore once i present it to my prof..

loads of pple tell me.. the lowest grade u can get from fyp is a B+.. that really makes me scare.. not that im scare of getting a B+ and be part of the lowest grade.. but rather.. i scare i create a new record.. a new lowest record something that u can tell ur junior.. aiyoh.. i got a friend.. she got B that's the lowest i heard of lah.. so dont worry.. that's what im afraid of..

sigh.. now waiting for my bro to help me edit.. i really need his help man..

Home Alone!

2008-03-06T10:35:00.002+08:00

My papa and mama are going to Italy in end May till early June with my kakak. My abang is in France. I'm going to be really really Home Alone! It's really going to be interesting to see how I survive living alone at home! Luckily for the early part I have to lead a disciplined life cause of marathon. Hence I'm unable to watch 24 hours of tv, however, the sleeping time will be totally changed cause the marathon is at night. So from 26th till 31st, I will be sleeping from 12 noon till 6pm. Wake up eat my breakfast (dinner for u all), rest till 8pm and go out for a night run. Come back, bath, it is lunch time (supper), watch the oldies on channel 8. How cool is all this is heading!!

Then after marathon, it is PARTY TIME!! :D And for all the days, I have car to myself! I can even drive to marathon there. I can even drive to east coast there to train my running :D

Well, my mama told me about going through the phone, however, today when I opened my mail just now and saw the email buying the tickets already, I was a little upset cause well, for my first marathon, I do wish to see my parents at the ending line cheering me on cause well, I guess it is going to be so freaking early in the morning and I guess it will be great to see familiar faces seeing you complete a race that is so long. However, I really think it is even greater that they go Italy with my sis, cause I know for sure, now, in my parents' heart, mind, they are smiling happily, cause finally after so many many many years of hard work and at times heart pain (from us), they finally get to taste and enjoy their fruits of labour. I want to be like my sister, able to bring them to travel and give them money to spend. So I guess I will and MUST run finish the race and show them my medal for completing the marathon!!

On another note, FYP poster is finally completing and to be printed tmr. FYP will officially end next friday 6pm. You can't imagine how happy I am. I really hate research.

Some fav songs that i like :D

2008-03-02T17:27:00.002+08:00

One In A Million Lyrics

Avril Lavigne Lyrics
Sk8er Boi Lyrics

Bon Jovi Lyrics
It's My Life Lyrics

10 miles = 16.09km in 2 hrs 30 mins

2008-03-02T12:05:00.002+08:00

YEAH!! i did it. THough i did not wake up at 7 to get ready for the run, I did wake up one hour later, ate my breakfast, read the newspaper and finally it's time for warm up. Getting attired, stretch here and there, get a bottle of water cause it is gonna be a long run, wear socks, shoes, watch my pedometer to get the distance and writing a note to my mum to expect me back only in 2.5 hours and off for the adventure!!

The starting was rather smooth, start going to route I never went running before. Cause this time is a longer distance AND i HATE running same area twice in one running time, I decide to expand the area I'm covering, from anderson sec to yio chu kang mrt station to st nich gals to bishan park to thomsan road to RJC to junction 8 to one round in bishan park to avenue 10 to avenue 5 to 2 rounds around the carpark to make up to 10 miles. I finished jogging and walking this whole 10 miles within 2.5 hours!

Once i reached home, shoes, socks, pedometer, watch, knee strap off and to my hot cup of milo with green apple. Heavenly feeling. The sense of satisfaction is there :D

From the run, I concluded that it is time to save all the money I can and start buying more running equipment. First up will be 2 pair of good running socks. My left leg suffers a little cramp along the way and the feet are a bit too hot for comfort. Next will be a water belt. Yes, carrying water bottle in the hand really can cause cramps, once in a while have to shake off the latic acid. The feeling is really not nice. Then will be more running sleeveless shirt and shorts. Lastly, if ever I can afford, which I most gian to buy since Jan will be this polar RS200sd watch. But it cost a bomb lah. It is like 300 over dollars sold at running lab. Sigh. Guess I will really need to reach my 56 kg asap so that I can get the 500 dollars from my mum to buy this watch.

For now, next up will be 4 miles on Tuesday. Gotta find time on that day to make sure that I go jogging. :D

Is my ambition too big?

2008-03-01T23:59:00.002+08:00

On impulse, I signed up for marathon. All because i started to run more. So I tot I can train for a marathon.

Having run 5 miles let me know it is not easy to run for long. However, it tells me that hey, I can run 5 miles as compared to before when i ran 3km, I already quite gone.

This marathon, I just read a review of the route. The initial 20km is a flat route. Which sounds good in fact great for me. However, in the middle, there are 3 or 4 overhead bridges. Oh man. that is surely going to kill me.

Despite all these, I really do believe I should be able to finish the race even with walking before they packed finish the area. All in all the time given for me is 11hours.

To be frank, while typing this entry after reading abt the route review, my heart is now beating quite fast. It is those type of nervousness u will get before exam or before getting back exam script or before running 2.4k.. Yes i get nervous easily.

I really dont know if i will appear on race day. Though I really feel like doing it. I concluded after some thoughts that, if this month, March, if I followed all the schedule that I had drawn out for training and I can do it well enough. I guess I will go for the marathon for sure. BUT, just 3 weeks before the race, my chem engine friends are going for the Malaysia road trip. Well, those two weeks, the training distance are relatively short. All in the range of 4-7miles. But i dont think i can totally dont run on those days and just purely do all the core exercises. I had very wanted to go for the roadtrip. However, there seems to be quite a number of uncertainties here and there. For now, the trip will only be confirmed by end of this month too that is everyone who is going will pay up the money. So i guess, all the decisions for this two thingy will be made then.

For now, the focus for me now will just be these few things:
1. Follow the training schedule
2. Finish FYP poster and send to Danan by Monday
3. 4238 report
4. HEN design by Saturday
5. Learn MALAY!!!
6. Stop watching drama other than CSI and They kiss again ;)

If i run my 10 miles tmr, I will announce it!! It is going to be the longest distance that I ever run at one goal. I shall sleep now so that I can wake up fresh and good for the run.

*o*

Security lapse

2008-02-28T22:54:00.002+08:00

the moment i heard from it from jk was oh no what happen. but dont worry this saga will end soon and the newspaper the next day will announce the arrest.

the next day come so is the newspaper. No good news. It started to look real serious. I heard of the tight security at whitly road. My dad went to see it in the morning.

I decided to be Kpo too. So just now before returning to hall, i drove the car there too. I saw no police there. No army. I tot oh yes.. finally.. he must be caught.

1000 news. No report on arresting him back. Only report on minister of home affair apologising. Yes. In fact, i felt apologetic too. while at the same time a little disappointment came. and now. i felt very uneasy.

I can't be part of the team. to join those men out them. searching. not being able to be with them to encourage them while loads of singaporeans, who we had been protecting them for so long, commented on how can ever this happen to singapore. The most important thing now is to just have a extra look at the stranger walking past u. Remember how the wanted person look like. Everyone has a part to play in the security of Singapore. Singapore does not just belong to the government only, it belongs to everyone.

Though i don't know the exact situation now. However, I still believe strongly in the force. Singapore will always be a safe place to live in, I'm sure the force will ensure it.

How much a person can change? PArt II

2008-02-27T19:25:00.013+08:00

and here is the continual of the erm.. post.. well well.. the topic is not really on just the feminine anot of me.. but rather.. the putting on of weight, then cutting of hair.. changing looks, going to gym, running.. and showing u all.. well.. exercise really can let u lose weight ;) hahaha

me in my room in bath.. erm.. really getting rounder.. haha.. okie.. i think for now.. me will be choosing unglam photos of miself leh.. but well.. who cares.. hahahah.. alrightie.. here comes the bomb.. but most importantly.. have a look at the scenery behind.. europe is really really really nice.. thinking abt all the places that i had travelled.. i really feel wow.. just by looking at the scenery.. hmm.. europe trip is really someting that i will never forget..

oh.. here is arsenal stadium!! wohoo..
at milan..
at venice.. this is really a nice place.. very romantic.. next time whoever wants to go romantic place with ur loved one.. venice is definitely one of the recommended place that i have for u.. it is really really really nice.. :D
rome.. yupyup.. another place that is full of history like berlin.. i love here too.. everything is sooo roma.. heehee.. and and.. i really miss this red long hair of mine.. hmm.. well.. 2 years later.. i will have this hair once again.. and of cos.. hopefully not with this round face..
Me and food again.. oh man.. erm.. that ice cream by its look already so yummy.. how can one ever resist.. so u cant really blame me for eating rite.. heehee

this is a very nice water fountain.. really beautiful..

okie.. this is the photo.. that i realize i really do have long hair.. haha.. the photo that ying say that if she saw that when i have such long hair.. she will surely disuade me from cutting.. but as u all know lifang.. when she wants to do something to her hair.. no one can control her.. not even her mum.. oops.. hahaha.. yes yes.. regret.. perhaps a little.. but that time when i cut the hair.. the feeling is really great too.. hmm.. irony..

erm.. another shot with food.. carbo carbo.. yum yum.. during the trip.. i realise that im really a carbo person.. i dont like rice.. but i like pasta, potatoes.. all the sinful food.. but luckily here i am back in sgp.. the main carbo food here is rice.. so lucky me..

rome rome..

at pisa.. with tweety.. ruoling.. at the leaning tower of Pisa ;) tweety is just so lucky.. perhaps.. this year if i go for malaysia road trip.. i will bring along tweety and moo moo again ;)
moo moo at barcelona train station..

me, ruoling with food again.. hee hee.. dunking donuts ;)
barcelona with my new sunglasses.. if u still remember i went barcelona with my stupid brother in march.. but then.. i still like going barcelona.. i find barcelona a great place too.. a very vibrant place.. though.. many pple lost stuff here.. including that stupid brother of mine who lost a handphone, mp3 player.. stupid brother.. what to do..

yummy chocolate..
at madrid.. jumon.. forgot how to spell liao.. meat.. yes yes.. just that a bit too salty.. >.< how i miss having my hair to fly like this.. hmmm..
at lisbon..
hahaha.. my first time wearing tube.. yes yes.. this is only what i will do when im oversea..
lisbon.. hee.. ;)

rainbow!! at geneva..
chinese food.. at geneva..
at bern.. the clock tower.. well.. europe got quite a number of clock tower..
jungfraujoch.. 3571m.. top of europe.. i hike around for 2 hours or so.. it is really pretty.. ;) switzerland.. a beautiful place for hiking.. my dream is to go there again and hike.. hmmm..
on the cable car up to usterberg.. at salzburg.. a nice place..

up at usterburg..

saccher cake.. my fav!! yum yum.. at vienna.. if go there.. must really try it out ;)
food at vienna.. :P
Budapest..
while waiting for the free concert.. oh man.. look at the fats.. ahahahah..

on the streets of buda.. my hair.. hmmmm..once again.. my reddish brown long hair
wohoo.. another look.. hahaha.. my curly red hair.. ahhh.. chaotic.. oops..
my big big bagat prague..
prague
prague clock tower
krakow.. hooo.. last stop.. really cant believe that i really put on that amount of weight but then.. the face is already an evidence.. hmm..
long long hair.. argh...
last shot before parting with ruoling at krakow.. and end of europe photos.. time for singapore photos.. these were the then me.. and now.. for the me me.. ;)

my short hair.. straightened ..
taken around in sept.. in my hall room
west coast..
DND in sept.. hair starts to grow longer..
my last hall dnd.. >.<
taken in oct last year.. with big big tweety.. and small tweety..

my 2nd time cutting hair style.. shorter and shorter.. ;)
gathering with nutz ;)
gathering with nutz at my house..
even shorter hair.. hahha.. i just love cutting hair.. and yup.. this is what i presently look like.. a great change huh.. sometimes i cant really believe it too..

somehow.. me now.. just like to be the cool look liao.. the more tom boy look.. Perhaps it is easier to be like this bah.. perhaps.. attire is just simpler.. me.. and food.. will never part.. ;)
yum yum.. from the big sushi meal that i had with brother in Paris.. i learn to love sashimi..

the hair the exercise.. sometimes i really what really made me do it.. is it really i want to lose weight.. is it just purely to get ready for my job.. or just my hand itchy want to spend money to cut hair.. perhaps it is a combination of all bah.. no matter what the reasons are.. all these are just me.. the unglam me.. the long hair me.. the fat me.. the short hair me.. the more tan me.. it is what i am.. I am just ME and whatever others think.. is just simply..

whatever...

How much a person can change?

2008-02-27T11:05:00.011+08:00

well well, got kulai photos from yb and had a look at my photos. god knows how much i have changed. and ying commented when she saw some of my sep photos, lifang!! i never see u so feminine before and your hair is so long!

well.. well.. interesting.. yes.. i do appear feminine more than what i usually am in singapore. in fact very few singaporean have ever see me being feminine.. hahaha.. well.. lets have a showcase of the different me through 2007 :D

first off.. just before exchange

at changi airport

when i first reached uk

first trip to oxford

with summer to birmingham museum

national sealife

well the above are what i look like when i first reached uk and staying at birmingham

then i moved on to Bath

here is the first dinner i had in Bath, beside me is Jinpeng, who went sep to bath in sem 1

my first castle trip with summer to leeds castle

first lunch with the singaporean exchange students at bath

first school trip out to windsor castle

first tour of bath city

first time at roman bath (with zhen)

first time to london at the tower bridge
second school trip this time to cardiff, wales.
trip out to birmingham and more northen england with stupid brother
london trip with borther, it was a chinese new year day last year :D
school trip once again
trip to barcelona with brother and xinli
road trip to ireland
this is the photo that i really look slimmer than before.. hmmm >.< another school trip
ooo.. start of my easter trip.. first stop.. norway.. well.. from here onwards.. this is when my hair starts to get longer and at the same time.. i start to put on my 4 kg.. >.<
2nd stop: CPH, denmark
3rd stop: amsterdam.. well here is a showcase of how much hair i really have and how chaotic they always get.. oh man.. that's largely the reason behind why i cut my hair the day straight after i reached back sgp
at movie world.. my 22nd birthday.. me and endless food.. which results in me having to run and diet nowadays.. sigh.. >.< at cologne.. orchid in a foreign country.. really let me feel a little back at home.. hmmm.. :)
at stuttgart..

at munichmunich
at berlin.. one of my fav. place:D
at paris :D
blemheim palace.. well.. the roundiness start to be more and more obvious lor.. hahaha
at scotland.. once again with food.. yummy
erm.. at shonehenge toilet.. well well.. double chin.. argh.. hahaha.. yes.. the now me.. had been running lah.. so burn off some fats liao.. if not.. i look at this photos.. i will be upset liao lor.. but then.. well.. whatever lah.. heehee

took on the same day.. guess sometimes is the angle problem >.<
at swansea with summer!!!
bath hill tour.. well well.. more chubby liao >.<
going for lunch now.. will update later if i have the time

Mid term break

2008-02-26T23:58:00.002+08:00

Somehow, in the final year, mid term break always feel very busy. No longer able to go home and just mug for mid term test. In fact, there is no real mid term test to study for. All I have is projects and a FYP poster. FYP poster a real headache. Really wonder how long FYP grade can get. Just really really hope I won't buang too much. So tmr is going to be a full day doing FYP poster, running, gym and perhaps a little of HEN if time permits. Will be back home. FOr just one day. Have to be back in school on thursday liao with meetings.

Yup, Yup, my engine has finally working and gonna force myself to sleep lesser. With lesser sleep i predict i will also run lesser >.< cause will be too tired to run at times.

Stress is really coming at me once again. Well, last time to be stressed for studies liao. Going to be a good one out of it.

I will do well once again like last sem :D

That day will come

2008-02-22T11:32:00.002+08:00

well.. had been hearing this song for quite sometime liao and find it really really very nice and touching..

会有那么一天

一九四三世界大战
阿嬷年轻的时候
爷爷爱他那么多
他们感情很深
但是爷爷身负重任
就在离乡的那夜
给了阿嬷一个吻
轻声说到

我要离去别再哭泣
不要伤心请你相信我
要等待我的爱
陪你永不离开
因为会有那么一天
我们牵著手在草原
听鸟儿歌唱的声音
听我说声我爱你

夕阳西下鸟儿回家
阿嬷躺在病床上
呼吸有一点散漫
眼神却很温柔
看著爷爷湿透的眼
握著他粗糙的手
阿嬷的泪水开始流
轻声说道

我要离去别再哭泣
不要伤心请你相信我
要等待我的爱
陪你永不离开
因为会有那么一天
我们牵著手在草原
听鸟儿歌唱的声音
听我说声我爱你

yes.. it is really quite nice.. i even go and find the mv for it :D

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2FLf70KdzKI here is the link since i dont know how to upload video

and yup.. today i ran my 5 miles within 1hour 8 min:D happie

Why do i keep losing my voice..

2008-02-20T23:08:00.002+08:00

weirdly, this two days i had been losing my voice on off. Really wonder why.

Yesterday ran my 4 miles. Happy:D

Today went for lunch at NPP. Made me look forward to graduation even more :D

Don't think I'm going on a grad trip with friends at all. No money and don't feel like traveling in a backpacker's way this time. So i guess this May will be spent training up for the sun down marathon. already signed up for it. 50 dollars spent to occupy my free time in May. June, most likely is at most go Genting or perhaps Batam with Nutz for 2 days luxury life. The rest of the time continuing running bah. And of cos, watch loads of drama :D July, orientation starts on 14th, and yup, before that, erm. i will definitely find something to do then.

Tmr is career fair. Everyone is busy with cover letters, resume, what to wear to career fair tmr. Me, i had chosen a easier route, a route that people feel that a 19 year old kid must be too idealistic to so call decide on a future job and sell 4 years of my youth to it and study something that is irrelevant to it. I do agree. Really. If I'm not me, I will think the same way too bah. But then, I;m me and I'm living in this ideal dream. One thing for sure, I have to get ready that this job is definitely not going to be the same as I imagine it to be. In fact, I have to prepare and is still preparing myself that I will just be so disgusted with the job that I will want to quit once the bond is served. But then, the dream image of this job had been so strong that it is had to counter it at times.

Yes yes, I'm talking no sense as usual. Alrgiht shall spare u all for the day. I cant talk much recently so.. Erm, that's why i need to write more :D

Quick temper

2008-02-18T00:10:00.002+08:00

recently i realise i'm having quick temper. I get easily irritated by my sister and i threw my temper and raise my voice at her. She had been very nice to me, bring me out for movies and meals. I felt very guilty everytime I raised my voice at her. Really and everytime i told myself that next time i cannot but sadly I kept on doing the same thing over and over again. Luckily my sister is very nice though what she said at times irritate me. She never raise her temper or voice at me.

Sigh. I really feel bad and I really wonder what is it that is making me so easily flame up. I'm really sorry sister. I never meant to raise my voice at you. I just cant control my temper. Yes, I am a person who does not like or rather HATES to be directed to do stuff or ask to do stuff when i already have the things to do in the mind. I will just get very irritated and will do the things very unwillingly or if not i will just throw my temper. In my family, among the three children, my mum always say that my temper is the worst. It is like when i study no one can disturb me if not i will give the most black face u can ever see before. Im just a spoilt brat at home. Many times i try to tell myself to watch my temper at home but it just doesnt work.

How to be less quick temper? Sigh. I think especially these few days it had been bad and sister is the only victim of my fierceness. Sigh. Maybe it is the stupid PMS that I'm suffering from bah or perhaps, it is the need to do most of the household chores during the weekdays and all I can see is that I'm doing and my sister not doing and I start to get irritated though I keep telling myself that sister was really busy with work and I'm the free one so I should do. Really. My sister had been very busy. And me, it is only right that I'm doing the household chores. But as usual, as a spoilt brat i seldom need to do and so i start to think that it is unfair and stuff. Yes, I'm just not making sense. Someone should scold me, but then if anyone did, I will once again be so pissed off. Yes, LIfang is a person who does not like to be corrected for doing wrong tings. Well, for studies wise it is okie. But when applied to life, it is a whole different story. I'm just another stuborn, spoilt brat. Argh.

I really need to learn to control my temper at home. Among all in my family, I really realise I'm the one who most of the time throw my temper and want everyone to sun wo de yi. Sigh, I'm just not a person to chi ying de.

Tmr going back to hall liao. Finally bah. Hopefully, by going back hall, it will make me miss my home and so let me be a better child when i return home.

Mussst go running more and learn to relax..

Jiayou lifang :D

Happy V-day!!

2008-02-14T15:08:00.002+08:00

It's valentine day!! perhaps it's the staying at home. u wont really feel the V-day thingy going on until u reached school. It just feels like lesson has to go on, projects have to go on. Perhaps what is different for today is just eating dinner and watch ah long show with my sis bah.

Amazingly is it today that i suddenly while driving remember of yesterday. I tot 13th feb will be a big reminder to me everytime the time of year reach it. However, it seems to pass by without me noticing it until the next day. It really shows that time can really remove loads of things huh. 2 years, 730days, 17520 hours, 1051200mins, 63072000secs. I'm not so good in calculating of cos, i use the calculator in the com:D The time seemed to have passed so fast. So many things had happened. Hmm. Really wonder 2 years down the lane, what will become of me.

I had learnt, I had laughed, I had cried. What i see in front of me now is less than 3 months of NUS, SH, Chem engine life and ya.. everytime will start to be a little different from there on. People are now busy with job search, career fair, interviews, finding girlfriends, haha.

Me, I'm just doing a few things that is rather out of the blue like wanting to run a marathon, rewatching all the dramas that i have watched in the past.. hahaha..

okie.. im getting bored with blogging liao.. shall get ready for my malay lecture liao :D

Stay Home Week

2008-02-10T20:23:00.001+08:00

well.. as the title says it all, it is going to be another week of staying in at home. Wont be in hall for the whole of next week liao. Will be home to accompany my sis since she will be all alone at home if im not around. And i was booked by her for V-day too!! yeah!! can have a good good dinner with her.. she will of cos foot the bill:D

The long CNY weekend holidays have finally come to an end. I started to read up on HEN and petrol refining since yesterday. Felt a sense of achievement. Really.

Ran today again!! Yeah. And I dint walk much. So as compared to the running two days ago. I cut short by around 7 mins. Wohoo:D Happie. Running feels really quite not bad. And because of running, i can eat as much new yeaer goodies as i want. Really. The amount of new year goodies that i ate this year is like really really a lot.. oops.. just hope that i wont get sore throat or fever.. :S

back to study again.

This week aim:
Run on tuesday, thursday, saturday and sunday.
Gym on wed, fri and saturday
know my HEN well by thurs
Finish Petrol tutorial before tutorial that is by tonite >.<
Learn my malay up to lecture 4:D
Start on FYP poster

Yes yes loads of things to be done. First two items can be easily done. The rest a bit hard. Hmm.. Plus with so many gatherings to be organised. Time is really running out.. Well.. I guess it is better that i have a busy wisy day than a boring day bah :D

Oh ya.. it is the season of love once again. Hope that couples who are together are happily together forever, singles who are liking someone else will get a positive replies, singles who are happily single (like me) will continue our life of exploration and adventure and lastly for singles who are desperate.. erm.. well.. work harder bah.. hard work always pay off :D:D:D

Happy V-day!!

Chinese New year

2008-02-09T18:11:00.000+08:00

The third day of CNY

here i am. At home the whole day. With my sis studying and me trying to keep myself occupied. Now. Here i am, with laptop on, fan on, NEW television on, notes in front of me too and a 3 hours of afternoon nap. My new year sounds boring perhaps. But well, i still like it.

I realised i missed CNY quite a bit. That's why i look so much forward to it. Everything that is so CNY. I think either im too much a Chinese Chinese or I'm just too sticky to family liao bah. Perhaps that's why bah.

Mum and dad just flew off this morning for their holidays. Sis just went out for her cell group dinner.

The most common thing that my relatives ask me this CNY is. So u graduating this sem arh. Well.. yup.. Somehow i answer in a very happy tone and giving them loads of details about my training and stuff. It feels really really good that I am FINALLY coming out to work as what I had wanted to do:D

oh.. not forgetting about my this year CNY wish. Not something big. Just a simple one. That is to be more disciplined and responsible. I guess with this two qualities it will bring me all the things i need. Well with discipline, I will keep up on my running training such that i can hopefully be ready for marathon, I will do my projects well, I will do well in academy. In addition with responsible, things will be done better, i will be responsible for my own health, responsible for my family that is coming out to make money and let my parents have good life, good health.

It seems like as we grow older, we learn about more things. It is no longer just about ourselves, no longer just about purely studies, no longer is our parents worrying for us. At times, it will become us worrying for our parents, us thinking of how to pay for house loans, us thinking of how to save up for emergencies, us thinking of eating a bit more healthier thou food is still as tempting as ever >.<

Children want to grow up, Grown ups want to be children. How irony life can be at times. Me, i do complain about growing up, at the same time, im glad I had grown up.

Hmm.. i drifting too much. But who cares. >.<

Well.. lets just end here:D A happy chinese new year to ALL!!

Yesterday

2008-01-27T10:18:00.000+08:00

It was the day. 7am the alarm clock rang. Woke up without the need to snooze. The excitment had made the need to sleep totally out of sight. A day that one realize that how a last day at something felt once again. A feeling that one will keep on feeling as one is presently now in the last semester of the schooling and hall life.

Washing up, waking pple up, playing bejeweled just to calm the unsettled heart and the butterflies. Time for breakfast and finally the gathering with sean speaking to the group of gals going for their big match day. To imagine the match to think of what they had went thru all the trainings. Memories of not just this year ihg training went thru the mind, memories from the very first ibg soccer to this very last one ran thru the mind. With the presence of the boyfriend, to the presence of the ever supporting friends, and the always presence of the teammate that had always been playing with her since that ibg in year 1, everything seems to be like a breeze passing thru her. And she herself, feels like a third person, looking at everything from the other side of the field. Time had really passed. And so such is life.

Making way there to the field, warming up and without knowing the time for the first match had come. Her neighbour was there. She was glad that her neighbours took turn to come.

The first match felt tough. Somehow. Perhaps is the pressure to win. Leads to not winning bah. Morale of the team went down. But then slowly, she realised there is nothing to lose anymore. Just play with a happy mind.

Second game was morale boosting. It was fun to be a defender to disturb the forward like nobody business. PUshing her around behind the referee back was really quite erm.. shiok.. 2 goals and the team spirit was up once again.

Third match. A nothing to lose match. A lose is normal. A draw is a bonus. A win is 1 year bonus kind of feeling when your bose gave to u during year end bonus. With such thinking in mind. The team seems to be playing even better. It was a draw. Though near the end. What came across most of the mind was.. when is the whistle going to be blown. Finally it was blown. The happiness was really great.

Fourth match. Nothing seems to be right anymore. She let in the two goals. Cause she made errors in her judgement. During the rest, she knew herself is breaking down. Somehow, tears start to form and luckily, it is time to go into the match. But soon, and luckily, before she had totally gave up running around. The coach had pulled her out of the game and her ever there teammate replaced her position though she was not trained for that this season. However, she wont made any comment on it even when her co defender told her that the other party was different in defending as trained and vice versa. Cause she knew one thing. She was no longer fit to be placed on field that day anymore. She just want to sit on the sideline and watch the game. Even for the fifth game. Cuase putting her on the field is like not having her there anymore.

Fifth match. They lost.

Everything came to an end. Too soon.

Such is life huh.

End of 4 years of soccer.

Such is life.

Match DAY

2008-01-26T00:13:00.000+08:00

today.. is going to be a long day.

In a while ago. I just realise what is wrong with my goal kick. No one's fault. Just that. it is different from how i kick. Hence. all is wrong.

i believe in one thing. things that i cant do right before the day of the match. the day itself, i will do it beautifully.

it is the last chance.

last day.

i want to leave the field

with a smile. with no regrets.

it's going to be a good day. Cause i found out that i can do what i am good at.

Just 9 hours before the match.

Sleeping time.

:D

2 days before the match

2008-01-24T01:10:00.000+08:00

im starting to be scare liao. yes. scare.

before i got my flu, i have more confidence in my stamina. but today, i feel my legs are weak. im easily out of breath. tmr morning jog is going to be a test of how bad my flu is on my stamina. maybe i will just feed on vitamins and stop medicine first. i dont know how. we shall see when i wake up tmr.

somehow it is no longer about winning. and it is not just about playing ur best can liao. it is u know there is someone stronger just that i refuse to let a dream die off just like that.

i never achieve anything. yes nothing at all in the sports arena. not that ihg is a super big ting. just that it had significantly define part of what is hall to me. it is a place that studies results wont affect me. it is a place where broken relationship wont affect me.

i dont play very well. but it is a sport that there are people that at least believe a little that i can do it okiely.

it is a strong feeling. but beyond my words. if i have any tears on that day, dont be shock. it is just me. i shed tears for only a few things in my life. One is family, stupid relationships, studies. im not yet sure if soccer is one of them for now. i never cried for a lost match cause i always think it is just a game.. or perhaps.. i dint treat it seriously before. i admit.

im really afraid now. so much so that. i wish tmr is a free day. one that i no need to go for class. in fact. i really have no mood for studies for now.

how to defend my area well. how to not let a goal in. how much red bull to drink. how to ensure that my goal kick is beautifully sent to at least the mid line. how how.

i seriously want to put up a good fight. and hopefully i can be real aggresive on that day.

for now. i shall lie on the bed and think thru the game and take some rest.

all will be well.. all i need is to believe.

sick

2008-01-22T19:59:00.000+08:00

it had been more than a year since i was sick.. this time.. amazingly.. my body choose to be sick when i have ihg soccer this sat.. damn.. the worst part now is.. this afternoon in order to ensure that i will be fully alert during lecture.. i drank red bull the european version one.. just now i tried to rest myself by lying on the bed.. and well.. i cant sleep.. sobz :( now just have to get up and do some work and wait for myself to get tired.. cant go for run.. cause feeling weak.. but think by tmr.. i will go running in the morning.. think i just have to sweat it all out..

sianz.. hope that i will be well soon.. >.<

new school term

2008-01-19T17:58:00.000+08:00

well.. school has started for a week liao.. in fact.. the last time.. school starts again.. i feel that time passed slow this week.. and im glad for it.. really.. i dont know if im the only one feeling it.. or do all pple who is graduating feel this.. i felt.. somehow.. i dont know what lies ahead in the future.. i wont say im scare or what.. just that.. i just cant see what is in front.. i know what i will be doing and still feel like this.. really wonder for pple not yet knowing what they will feel..

hmm.. recently what is really on my mind.. is not design 2 or projects.. it is ihg soccer.. it is the last time.. i seldom cry when i graduate during pri sch or sec or jc.. however.. this time.. i feel very much attached to soccer.. to playing with delfine.. yes.. i had played soccer with del since year 1 ibg.. thou in hall we dont really stick around in the same group.. but then.. soccer is what bring us closer.. we sweat and played so many games together.. and yup.. del encouraged me whenever my stamina is running down.. playing with del gives me more confidence as i know whenever i need more defence.. she will be there..

i just wish next week will pass slowly.. to let me enjoy the last week of sheares hall soccer.. yes.. the very last.. perhaps next time i will be playing with others.. but never will i feel the same as playing with this group of people.. perhaps.. we do not have the skill to be the best.. somehow.. i just wish.. just for once.. at least.. let us be at least second.. when im in year one.. we are third.. and thereafter it is always fourth.. i dont think us the group of seniors have any lesser zest as other teams.. i just wish lady luck will be on our side that day.. not to have any buang balls from other teams to roll in slowly to our goal.. yes.. if the ball is beautifully scored.. i have no comments.. but if buang ball rolls in.. im really not going to forgive myself.. these few days i keep training running so as to build up my stamina.. so that i can last as long as i can.. yes.. i have to last and run as long as i can.. i believe i can do it.. really.. in terms of sprinting.. im sure when i chase after a ball that i want.. i will get it and be faster than the opponent.. that's what i think whenever i start chasing after someone for the ball..

sorry if this week im not bothered by studies or people but just soccer.. cause.. i just wanna give a last fight and not admit defeat without putting any fight or effort..

last game.. last year.. last chance..

Finally.. i found a new goal in life..

2008-01-04T21:14:00.000+08:00

I had said before how i felt lost at times.. not knowing where i should head to.. and why do i study.. i had nothing much to aim for ever since i got my scholarship.. i had just been living my life just like a normal uni student.. one without much dream.. just follow the crowd.. and let time past.. not bothering about what future job am i doing cause i already had one.. i was lucky that i still can keep my second upper despite my laziness.. everything is just going on.. i had been living my uni life.. just as if.. it is a motion that i had to go through.. a path that i had to go through.. before i can do.. what i desire to do..

i'm glad to say.. i had finally found a new goal.. to push me to my limits and to push me to fight once again..

last sem of hard work had proven itself that hardwork will produce results that are totally satisfying.. thou.. i may have started late in working hard.. but i guess.. i know.. i just wanna do well.. again.. even if it is the final sem and there is no hope of me getting into first class.. but this sem.. i will not.. give up studying hard.. im gonna work harder than last sem.. cause.. this is the last time im going to study anything that is maths, chem, physics.. im not going to continue with master cause.. im going to stick with my first job forever..

well.. my new goal.. is to get at least a sword of merit.. when i graduate from the academy.. it's someting worth fighting for..

i may not be able to tell all how and why i wanna do waht i want to do.. but i know.. for sure where am i heading towards..

I think.. this final sem is going to be a great sem..

I believe.. 2008 is going to be a great year!!

i cant imagine what are my feelings will be when i receive the notice from hta..

i truly look forward to that day.. and yup.. i will love to share all these.. like meeting guys who looks like my mr handsome.. ;)

and also.. when i do meet my mr handsome again.. im going to take a photo with him.. i'm going to work in the same job as him in less than 7 months.. how great is that!!!

hahaha.. i know i sounded abit huachi over here.. but if u see my face.. u will think that lifang is crazy over some guys lah.. hahaha.. okie.. my bad..

on another note.. on a shorter goal.. but not really a goal lah.. i trying to run a marathon.. but not sure it will come true.. just for fun i guess.. so yup.. jogging is something that i have to do liao.. but then in order to protect my weak knees.. i had been putting tape all the time.. and it had been working well.. especially after i went for my acupunture..

this year.. 2008... I'm going to live life without regrets.. and yup.. I'm going to be a happy happy lifang once again.. no longer trap in any relationship or unhappiness.. or slacking in work..

2008 is going to be a great year!! and i truly believe in it!!! :D

hihihi

2007-12-20T20:45:00.000+08:00

Harlow to all.. im still alive and kicking.. thou i have a room in hall during the hols.. i dint really stay much in it.. rather.. it is more of a storeroom for me bah.. well.. for that.. i cant do much abt it.. cause i just happen to have things to do at home.. and well.. staying at home is of cos more comfy..

things that i do at home are like.. struggling between watching loads and loads of serials, anime and doing FYP.. yes.. i faced that every seconds.. and one of the most important reasons for me staying at home.. well.. is to cook lunch and dinner.. yes.. the lifang u all know.. stay at home to cook.. well.. afterall i had grown up.. i went oversea and cooked for myself.. so it's time for me to cook for myself.. and of cos my mum.. mum had been slimming down these few months.. it seems like she lost like 7kg to like 43kg in like 2-3 mths.. yes.. my mum is like ard my height.. perhaps just ard 4cm shorter.. and she is like TWENTY kg lighter??!!! well.. so i decide to stay at home and cook loads of food for her to eat:D:D and well.. she like what i cooked.. cause i cook loads of veggies :D

hmm.. soon it will be THE last semester liao.. and even sooner.. it is going to be the release of results liao.. and yup.. for a very long time.. i start to have nightmares of getting results before results day.. perhaps.. im worrying for nothing.. but truthfully.. im really afraid of getting results.. if i dont say or ask anything about results when the results are released.. try not to ask how i do.. cause most likely.. it is disastrous.. and most likely.. im hiding >.<

well.. on a brighter note.. despite whatever grade or how lousy my FYP is going to be.. im going on a cruise with my papa and mama on the 4th jan i think.. at least that's the plan for now.. i just booked it online.. but nothing is confirmed yet..

my christmas wishes: Career, Family, Health :D

Merry Christmas and a Happy new year to all!!!

E5 on sunday..

2007-12-09T11:26:00.000+08:00

well.. im back here.. because im bored.. well.. back in e5 on a sunday.. and yes yes.. after the semester had ended.. and well.. of cos no one is here.. and.. im getting real bored.. but what to do.. fyp due date is coming..

had went for my scholarship network lunch recently.. and i always love going for that.. not because of the food.. not because of seeing pple.. because he is no longer there liao.. but just simply because.. i love the feeling.. of being back to where i longed to be at always.. it is there.. with the people.. that i will always find back my passion... my passion to continue to dream what i want to be the most..

going there always make me rediscover my dream.. really..

left with ard half a year time.. 21st july 2008.. will be my big day.. guess that day will be a sunny day bah :D

by then.. i will no longer need to worry how i did for my exams and how hard i had to work for my exams despite knowing that all the geniuses in my class will push the grade so high that after the filtering.. im still going to be at the bottom of the class.. yes.. this sem.. is not too good.. in fact.. i havent formally written in my blog that.. this sem.. how super dead i will be.. perhaps.. i had complained a million times.. but then.. well.. of cos the fear that everyone felt is never announced loud and clear..

but then.. what had passed had passed.. worrying just doesnt do anything to it..

oh.. on a lighter note.. i have a friend marrying next sunday!!! yes yes.. i was like.. what??!! so fast.. im still studying here and u tell me u are marrying.. but then.. thinking about it.. well.. she is already 23.. hmm.. okie lah..

hmm.. speaking of marriage.. sometimes i start to think.. when is it going to be my sister's turn.. heeh.. yes yes.. to be frank i love to see people getting married.. perhaps.. if i dint ever want to be a police.. perhaps i will work at ROM.. hahah.. imagine.. one fine day u come to ROM and want to register.. u see me there.. wohoo.. and i announce u as husband and wife.. hmm.. to be frank.. i cant really imagine that happening at all.. later u see liao.. u will be thinking that a tweety bird is standing in front of u announcing.. hmm.. kinda weird huh.. >..<

oh.. i got more news to say.. hahah.. too long dint blog liao so like got hundred and one thing to say.. well... well.. my bro is going to get me an armani phone.. wahahhahaha.. yes yes.. another samsung phone despite my super nice phone that i have now.. but then.. my bro says if i study hard he will buy for me.. and yes.. this sem.. i studied so hard.. that the number of clock in study hours can easily beat any 2 semesters studying time added together lor.. yes.. that's how slack i had been before.. oops..

oh ya.. im back to diet once again.. hahaha.. not that i can run yet.. yes.. my knees are still not healing.. hmm.. and yes.. i have to let it heal.. cause i want to be a good officer.. but still.. i must do something abt it.. cause im having a competition with xy seeing who diet more.. hahhaa.. yes yes.. we are that bo liao at times..

here is really freaking cold.. and im freaking bored.. how i wish for some entertainment..

hmm.. going to watch some show with my sis and mum later..

well.. on a final note.. i just wanna do well in FYP.. really..

last semester of studying liao..

i just wanna do it right for once..

till then.. i wont be around again.. unless.. i camp in E5 soonnn... >.<

happy holidays :D

...

2007-10-28T11:23:00.000+08:00

i think.. my life is getting boring.. and this blog always just contain fresh tots from my brain straight without any filtering..

somehow.. i feel like ending my online blogging liao.. and continue with my complaints or whatever on my handwritten diary..

as to why leh.. erm.. because.. i think there are times that i say that im unhappy with people or what.. but it is just at that moment in time.. and i gotten over soon after i wrote it down.. but then.. blog will keep it in memory forever.. i.e. as long as i dont close this down..

and afterall.. my life now is just another boring one.. with endless projects and assignments and all people hear from me is about my complaints.. and why people change.. yes.. im a very naggy and go around one single topic type of person.. cause i need to say all out.. and then i will forget everything again.. but perhaps.. by doing so.. sometimes i may just offend people or upset people bah..

in fact.. in the very beginning of blogs.. i never like the idea of blogging.. that is putting ur life story online free for everyone to see.. but then.. i dont know why.. i started to join the crowd too..

perhaps.. it is time for me to leave this community of blogging bah..

enough of complaining online.. enough of trying to figure things out online..

just a few last words bah..

ruoling.. jiayou wo.. in both virtual world for rambly and friends.. in reality for ur fyp, job searching and ur grad trip plan and and ur travel scratchbook:)

szeyi.. jiayou in ur job and hopefully there are more business for u;);) and and all the best for u and nic arh..

ying.. jiayou for fyp wo.. u will definitely get it right this time and yup.. dont worry about ur cap.. u will maintain it one.. can one.. u r smart too.. just believe in it ya.. and yup.. jiayou between u and shihong ah.. he is one nice and funny guy.. but tell him stop suaning me.. wahhahah

summer.. jiayou wo.. if u still really like dance.. there are still quite a lot of dance opportunities outside.. dont really always need too join hall dance.. and yup.. sorry if sometimes i dint teach u abt chem engine stuff or do things faster myself.. cause having a weak foundation in chem engine like me (thou u may say im quite good liao but then.. i know where i stand) i have no confidence in teaching u the right things.. and im always very afraid of teaching people the wrong things.. i will try my best to tell u what i know but then.. must remember to check what i say with other more zai chem engineers like lilian and jungkiat.. they are 100 times better than me in chem engine :) but dont worry summer.. slowly.. perhpas.. u will find that chem engine is rather fun too.. that's what i realise this sem and perhpas.. that's why im studying hard for it now..jiayou summer.. and yup.. dont bother abt ky or fx anymore.. live a happy happy singlehood life.. and enjoy life now.. it is now the prime time for us all wo :)

jungkiat.. erm.. i just saw his email.. finishing the assignment.. damnit.. he finished it liao.. and this time i dint contribute anything at all.. argh.. erm.. must really thank him for all these time the teaching of us.. sigh.. without him.. i think i will be quite dead liao.. somehow.. just feel that he is upset or rather not happy with me recently.. havent figured out why also.. hmm.. just hope that he will find his mrs right soon.. and yupyup.. he will definitely be a great great chem engineer :):):) jiayou wo jungkiat.. u r an inspiration to a lot of us wo ;)

sheena.. hmm.. jiayou too wo.. although a lot of us have stepped into chem engine wondering if we will have done better elsewhere but then.. here we are already in the final year of chem engine life liao.. soon.. all of us will be out there working and working hard for our future.. jiayou for the last few months of studies wo:) and yupyup.. jiayou for u and james wo.. when u both get marry liao.. must ask me to be there for ur wedding dinner wo;) hee ;)

well.. somehow.. i feel like stopping on blogging now.. cause just had lunch and lunch had broke my momentum.. and just saw the email from jk with regards to assignment.. so guess i need to and look into it..

ruoling had said before that i lost myself in hysys.. perhaps bah.. or maybe it is more right to say.. i have lost myself.. since the day i stepped into hall bah..

and i guess.. the want in me wanting to shift back to what i was before is strong.. and somehow.. the changing and shifting.. is somehow upsetting my life now.. it is like.. the change is trying to find an equilibrium to be met..

till i found my equilibrium.. i wont be back.. and perhaps.. when i found it.. i wont come back here anymore too..

tata people!! have a great year ahead.. and yup.. and hope that all of us.. find a career that we love and be happy happy.. ALWAYS!!

(on the journey of redefining myself)

Night cycling

2007-10-27T14:42:00.000+08:00

well.. just woke up from my beauty sleep after night cycling.. it had been fun.. thou my knees are screaming at me.. the instant that we have to break and land on my leg is a pain everytime.. and the bumping up and down along the road.. is really a pain in the ass..

well.. i think.. it is really time to rest the knee.. no more adventurous stunts to perform or soccer.. cause.. it feels really quite bad..

this few days. i had been slacking.. thou slacking.. somehow.. my mind is still hanging on some projects to be done.. this and that.. i think.. im hopeless.. i really have no idea what is wrong with me.. or maybe is because of people taking the same course as me are all so zai.. so i no choice.. i have to work harder than them to match up.. or perhaps is because i see my friend always moody and seems to be so stressed by work... and because of that.. i think to myself that i shouldnt be slack and should work harder and harder..

im a person without ideas.. perhaps.. i always follow the crowd..

sigh.. bro says.. last year of study liao.. must enjoy.. i dont know what is happening to me now is it call enjoy.. i get stressed upset and cried.. but somehow.. it feels like days when im in sec or jc.. and somehow.. i truly find the things i studies more interesting.. and perhaps is because i cared more about what i study.. higher expectation just come in bah..

hard work does not necessary equal to results.. but then.. if i dont put in hard work.. i definitely wont get results..

well.. life is just so simple.. why do i always think of it till so complicated...

hmm.. it feels good to be home.. really..

i want to do FYP!!

2007-10-26T09:40:00.000+08:00

ahhhh...

i want to do FYP!!

i wake up early.. bath early.. come out of my room so super uber early.. just wanting to do FYP!!

from computer centre i moved to E5 lab cause no GAMS in computer centre's computers

from E5 lab i moved to E2 lab 2 cause E5 going to have tutorial lesson (just this week only)

from E2 lab 2 moved to E2 lab 3 cause E2 lab 2 no GAMS

from one computer in E2 lab 3 moved to another cause cant open the file that i did the other time

everything still fail..

finally.. i decid to do this.. open new project.. type open loop..

then.. finally.. things can be opened.. my own file too..

when things start to fail.. at least for this time.. i keep telling myself.. it wont be worse anymore.. then everytime things start to get worse.. i start to pyscho myself..

finally things turn out right.. afterall.. how wrong can it go.. at most redo everything again lor..

be less competitive.. and be more hardworking bah.. maybe this is the starting point for me once again..

starting to get sleepy from moving around so many times.. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

learn to relax..

2007-10-26T08:03:00.000+08:00

my sis, my bro and ruoling tell me to relax..

yup. yup. i will.. today is a brand new day..

starting everything anew..

this is the encouragement my stupid brother gave me..

thanks stupid brother!!

it really helps..

sometimes.. i must really learn to relax..

2007-10-25T22:57:00.000+08:00

i scare im going to hit my limit soon.. in a while.. my headache just came back to me.. even talking to my sis and bro online telling them how i buang my assignemnt.. they tell me dont be stupid and treat this whole thing so seriously.. it is just slightly a few percentage lesser only.. '

ya.. they are right.. from what my bro says.. i know that it is very true.. but i cant let go.. and the headache suddenly came again..

i must learn to relax.. im getting into worse and worse state liao.. i think.. i need to go home soon.. and stay there more liao.. i think.. i really need it this time..

guess this sat once im back at home.. wont be coming back hall till next wed.. i really need back the comfort that i can find at home..

lifang.. u have to relax.. things are not as grave as u think it is.. i know u cant absorb all these now.. but learn to let go more.. really.. u have to..

people.. really.. changes..

2007-10-24T23:53:00.000+08:00

this is the truth.. the reality.. that i am really afraid to face at times.. even sometimes.. im afraid to know that i have changed..

people that i knew of.. since year 1 changes.. just after i just went for a sem of exchange.. i really miss the person that i knew of before the exchange.. but i cannot do anything to change it.. just as my friends cannot change me back to who i am before exchange.. before i come to uni..

so i guess.. we have to learn to accept changes.. if not.. we will just simply give up on the whole friendship bah..

im not willing to give up friendship.. really.. although i always appear as a heartless friend.. forgetting bday and such.. but.. i know what kind of a friend i am.. i will never give up on friends.. even if im totally sian or disappointed.. i will just coomplain and then.. life will be back to the same again..

but.. somehow.. perhaps.. is because the friend that u had always been with changed just a little too much to accept.. i believed what my friend told me.. and i totally believed what my friend promised.. but somehow.. my friend's personality had changed.. perhaps is just the working life bah.. that changed everyone's way of doing things, way of speaking, and expressions bah..

i used to scold a lot of the f word when i just gotten into sheares.. but now.. i tried hard to totally changed the habit.. in fact.. i am really very irritated with people using it as part of their language.. sigh..

life just keep going.. people just keep changing.. so do i..

perhaps the remedy is not to live in the past but rather live in the present.. and when one lives.. it is to live better and be better.. not for just yourself.. but for everyone that loves you and for everyone that you love..

love is a word that people always link to just boy and gal.. but.. love.. is just so simple and everywhere.. family love.. the strongest that i always believed in.. even if u think bet ur family the love is not strong.. that is because u choose not to believe strongly in it before..

God had put people together in a family because it is all meant to be.. the same blood flows in all of us.. the undescirble love that existed since day one that we are borned can never be removed.. it is only whether we want to admit it or not..

sigh.. im really glad that i have a great family.. really.. but at the same time.. my great friends who are always around too..

yup.. my family.. my parents.. are really getting older and older.. seeing my mum get thinner and thinner.. i cant really do anything to help too.. all i can do.. is to study hard and yup.. always ready to be a police to show her that.. yes.. im really glad to have a career in police.. i know my dad will always be super happie when he hears me telling him that i got ggod results.. i dint have a chance to tell him that since year 1 sem 1 liao.. all the times.. the results that i gotten are just so.. erm.. rather umimpressive..

perhaps.. reaults is just so external thing.. but.. to me.. if it can make my parents happie.. and also fan xin.. i really wanna do well.. my parents, sister and brother recently had also been worried that i had been studying too much and too stressed.. somehow.. i felt that my family love for me is so great that really makes me wonder.. if such a thing happens to everyone.. wont the world be more lovable to live in..

but face reality.. people dont always treasure what they have at present.. and always choose to chase for some unrealistic stuff.. perhaps.. that's why we need noah's ark in the past bah..

people changes.. and i cant change that fact.. all i can do.. is to better myself to what i feel is call bettering myself.. the rest.. i either leave to God.. or i just leave it to the person to find out what is good for him/her bah..

life is a joy.. if we know how to look on the bright side of it always..

emails..

2007-10-24T08:53:00.000+08:00

had mails coming from ryanair, great western recently.. yes.. this two companies.. provide me with traansports to travel more than half of the time im in europe..

i miss eurpoe..

in fact really bad.. thou there were bad memories there..

i miss it.. with ruoling, with zhen, with ruoling's group of friends..

i waana go back there.. with either.. my family... or perhaps there for honeymoon (if ever i have one.. hahaa)

i miss europe.. especially london.. and bath..

i hope.. one day.. i can go uk again.. to study for my master..

but.. it is just simply.. another dream.. that is hard to come true..

hysys..

2007-10-23T09:54:00.000+08:00

today.. is the last day of hysys.. the submission date.. 1730 for the hardcopy of our report and 2359 for the hysys files.. i know my mind cannot be put to rest.. till the time is reached and passed..

hysys.. to me.. somehow.. it seems like a journey.. a journey that does make changes to my life.. a journey that comes along through coincidence.. a journey that somehow.. i must admit.. shows me and my friends.. my way of working hard.. my way of.. working alone.. or at least..i have to study alone.. myself.. first..

maybe to a lot of people.. this is just another group project just part of their university life.. nothing big.. and to them.. im just simply blowing things up.. perhaps.. but to me.. it had became very personal.. it had a lot of things in it.. be it my CAP, my past results, my exchange, the feeling of back to who i really want to be back to.. yes.. i want to be back to a chao mugger.. really.. and most importantly.. brings me to the fact that.. i will n e v e r be a c h e m i c a l e n g i n e e r again.. something that really makes me upset.. i really love to know how a chem engineer works.. so lets hope in the future..when all of us are working.. i will have a chance to hear my chem engineers friends telling me about their work.. hm.. really.. andat the same time.. i will always have the bestest job in the world.. my dream career..POLICE!!! yes.. i must still say.. i very much look forward to the mod of july next year.. just that.. for now.. i really enjoy.. what im studying now..

i wonder if design 2 needs hsysy..if it doesnt.. today marks the end of it.. t o t a l l y.. perhaps.. what i shall take away from it.. is just all the beautiful memories.. and leave whatever that is unhappy with it..

im continuing my journey once again.. to the next assignment.. >.<

maybe.. i shant run the marathon too fast and alone..

2007-10-23T02:20:00.000+08:00

im feeling a bit too guilty..

really..

sorry.. if i run the race alone..

i just dont know how to convience others to run at the same pace with me..

i start real slow..

and have a super high inertia

but once i start running..

i never look back at pple who were with me..

perhaps.. i choose to run alone.. afterall.. and still complain about pple not running with me..

i dont know why i keep wanting to do it better.. perhaps.. it is all about results.. or just simply.. making others feeling guilty for not trying hard.. and now.. i feel guilty myself..

well..

i shant be too bothered anymore bah.. i hope..